Curious British Telly

Tickets for the Titanic was an anthology of six 50-minute plays which aired on Channel 4 over the course of two series between 1986 - 1987. The series was produced by Regent Productions, an indepedent production company who were also behind the Channel 4 shows 15 to 1 and Johnny Speight sitcom The Lady is a Tramp.

The first play in the anthology - Keeping Score - was the only one which featured the porthole opening. The reason for this omission was due to the capsizing of the Herald of Free Enterprise ferry which killed 193 people and occurred two days after Keeping Score aired.

The aim of Tickets for the Titanic was to look at a Britain which was sinking in the eighties and provide some entertainment before it hit the iceberg - a somewhat confusing metaphor as sinking ships generally don't go on to hit icebergs. Nonetheless, as each play is so varied and unique, I've decided to treat these as standalone shows and will gradually cover each one over the course of the year.

1. Keeping Score - 04/03/1987

Written by Guy Jenkins, Keeping Score was a play about social retribution and a determination to cause anarchy and mayhem for financial institutions; these days, of course, the bankers are more than capable of this themselves, but back in 1987 The Dread Brigade were required.

Banks (Martyn Hesford) is unemployed with an unfortunate past taking in borstal and, quite literally, being thrown to the lions during a failed stint working at a safari park. At the DHSS, he meets the well spoken benefits officer Penelope (Tessa Peake-Jones) who, rather suddenly, takes him out of the DHSS and home to her luxurious apartment.

Despite the trappings of wealth and luxury, Penelope feels hard done by in life and is determined to strike back and get revenge. Keeping a score of every time she's been wronged, she's on a mission to even up the scores. And, despite his initial reticence and bafflement, Banks soon comes on board and they form The Dread Brigade.

Initially carrying out small scale anarchy such as orchestrating a fight between a nun and a policeman (resulting in the newspaper headline Halo, Halo, Halo - What's Going on Ere?), The Dread Brigade eventually move on to targeting the financial system, a campaign which is heavily driven by Penelope's previous and unsuccessful romantic dalliance with a banker.

The Dread Brigade are, essentially, sponsored by the wealth and privilege of Penelope's father, the Earl of Albany (Charles Gray). A figure of hatred for Penelope, the Earl is rather intrigued by the Dread Brigade's ethos and, seemingly thrilled by the mischief of disrupting society, gladly lends a hand. Banks, though, is becoming increasingly subversive and has his sights set on wreaking havoc at 10 Downing Street.

It's a curious sounding play, but what exactly is Keeping Score like?

Well, first off, it's almost uncategorisable due to the myriad themes and emotions vying for your attention, but if I had to be reductive and pin it down to one genre, it would be comedy drama. Certain aspects of Keeping Score - namely the quest to cause financial meltdown - make it feel like a proto version of Fight Club or Mr Robot, but it's got such a unique flavour that it's quite unlike anything I've seen before.

The curious brand of humour is incredibly British and one of the sharpest areas of the play. The surreal nature of the comedy is apparent from the off when we discover that Banks' exceptionally lengthy middle names all stem from the Leicester City team which featured in the 1961 FA Cup final. And we then discover that Penelope's equally lengthy middle names are a homage to the Tottenham Hotspur 1961 FA Cup final winning team.

The Earl, though, is the absolute comedy star whenever he's on screen. Upon meeting Banks for the first time - posing as Penelope's fiance and dressed up as a punk - the Earl is nonplussed by Banks' monosyllabic grunts and glass smashing abandon, he's just glad that Banks isn't black. However, the Earl is absolutely outraged to discover the ignominious truth that Banks is a Leicester City fan.

Plotwise, Keeping Score is very much a one-of-a-kind narrative which makes for an absorbing watch, but, at the same time, it feels rather ridiculous and the ease with which The Dread Brigade advance onwards lacks credibility. What's particularly interesting is the relationships of the three protagonists, despite appearing to work closely together, they feel very detached and incapable of forming any sort of real connection with each other. It's not quite absurdist theatre, but there's a hint of Harold Pinter about these characters.

Keeping Score is certainly original and I enjoyed large sections of it, but there's a lack of cohesion at times. This makes for a disjointed watch and the drama and comedy also fail to gel in a satisfactory manner. Accordingly, the denouement of the play struggles to satisfy as we're left with a selection of characters who fall short in terms of a captivating narrative. However, it's a real oddity of British TV and offers an engaging look at individuals and their unique approaches to vengeance with a little bit of class warfare thrown in for good measure.

If ever there were a band perfectly placed to soundtrack the world of Curious British Telly, it would have to be The Kinks. After all, they sum up everything that Curious British Telly stands for: incredibly British with an idiosyncratic view of the world and, of course, devoted to the wonder of nostalgia.

And that's why I was absolutely thrilled to unearth a Kinks documentary in amongst the enigmatic pile of VHS tapes I recently had donated to me. It dated from December 1995 and only ever received one showing on BBC2, so it was a fortuitous recording and my eternal thanks go out to the original recorder.

I'm Not Like Everybody Else - The World of Ray Davies and The Kinks was directed by the then fledgling documentary maker Vanessa Engle; the documentary had a heavy focus on the "Godfather of British pop music" and featured interviews with members of The Kinks, the band's managers and producers. Uniquely, the documentary featured full studio versions of Kinks songs with newly recorded music videos.

It sounded like a proposition I couldn't resist, so I quickly dusted down my VHS player to discover if I'm Not Like Everybody Else was as an inimitable as the song it was based on.

Genre: Documentary
Channel: BBC2
Transmission: 20/12/1995

With the emergence of Britpop in 1993, The Kinks legacy to British music became more and more apparent as the noueveau British pop stars spoke passionately about the influence of The Kinks. The most notable proponent was Damon Albarn (see his 1995 duet with Ray Davies), so, what with Blur's incredible popularity at the time, a whole new generation was discovering The Kinks. I'm Not Like Everybody Else, therefore, arrived at the perfect time.

The Kinks have had a long history and their story has been told countless times before and since, but, whilst there are no shocking revelations contained within I'm Not Like Everybody Else, it's still packed full of first hand accounts from the band to ensure it's not just one giant love in featuring their contemporaries. And it's a documentary which is as reflective and insightful as the band's songs.

Focusing mainly on Ray Davies and his inimitable personality, I'm Not Like Everybody Else is very much in the mould of a Ray Davies character song. Despite revealing that he doesn't really like people to know who he is, he's remarkably open about his flaws. Jokingly, he quips that he can't sing and, with a comic grandeur shot through with knowing arrogance, describes himself as having "the best arse in showbiz" which is "just something that's followed me through life".

More seriously, he goes through the painful memories of suffering a mental breakdown in the mid 60s, an experience he recounts by reading excerpts out of his wife's diary from the time. The overall impression you're left with is that he's highly contemplative, an outlook fuelled by a sense of alienation from the world around him. Certain aspects, however, are somewhat glossed over such as the sibling rivalry with his brother Dave Davies which is put down to differing personalities rather than their "toxic" relationship.

Luckily, the interviews with former band members manage to paint a vivid picture of Ray Davies the man and also ensure that a holistic history of the band is provided. Naturally, being one of the biggest selling bands from Britain, The Kinks have a rich history and their early years are well represented. However, this is at the expense of a look at their later years, but, I guess, there's only so much you can fit into an hour and a bands early years tend to contain all the headlines.

Archive footage of the band's early performances feature heavily, so we get to see the Davies' brothers quite remarkable hairdos in their full sixties glory - sadly Dave Davies haircut in 1995 was a mullet of the highest order, but I guess if anyone can get away with a mullet then it's a veteran rockstar. And, as well as the archive performances, we're also treated to full length renditions of Kinks songs. Sure, the accompanying modern videos are painfully obvious (a couple wandering round Waterloo for Waterloo Sunset), but there's very little that can detract from the timeless beauty of the songs.

We're also treated to footage of Ray Davies staring wistfully at the Thames and referring to that dirty old river as London's heartbeat, but the best is yet to come. As talk turns to The Village Green Preservation Society album, Ray's peculiar brand of Englishness is made visual with the sight of Ray and his pals playing cricket on a village green. However, it's a village green which is so incredibly English that as the glorious sun beats down on it, only the overlooking church and pub cast any shadows. Okay, it's somewhat cliche, but what a magnificently English image - can you see Mumford and Sons doing that?

I'm Not Like Everybody Else may not be the most revelatory music documentary, but this is partly down to the confines of the running time. For a band that had, at the time, formed over 30 years previously, an hour really doesn't have enough time to cram in even half of their history effectively. It's certainly in sharp contrast to The Beatles' Anthology series, but they're one of the few bands on a higher level than The Kinks, so I can't really grouse about that.

However, I'm Not Like Everybody Else provides enough wit and intrigue to mark it out as an essential artifact for anyone interested in the history of British music. And, if like me, you adore The Kinks and have made them part of your life, you'll bloody love it.

* Due to the rigours of music publishing and copyright, the documentary probably wouldn't stay up online for very long, but if you want a copy, just get in touch.

Over the last several years, British men have been experimenting more and more with facial hair. Just head down to any Wetherspoons on a Saturday night and you'll find all manner of beards, goatees and, whisper it, moustaches queuing up for a bottle of craft ale. Alternatively, head to Shoreditch for any given millisecond on any given day and you'll be swamped in facial fuzz quicker than you can say "flat white".

Recently, I've been wondering what exactly started this facial hair craze. Was it a brigade of illuminati hairdressers wanting to dictate facial hair fads to distract us from their inexorable rise to global domination? Or had the charitable intentions of Movember not only helped fight cancer, but also gone some way to repairing the tarnished reputation of moustaches?

Well, maybe, but what really caught my curious gaze was that many of these bearded men were of an age which belied the fact that they grew up in the 1980s.

And what did all children do in the 1980s? Sure, they demanded He Man figures and Manic Miner cassettes, but they also LOVED kids TV. And, guess what, British kids TV in the 80s contained more facial hair styles than you could shake a hipster at. Want some proof? Well, luckily, I've compiled 20 examples of irrefutable evidence below:

1. Geoff Keegan - Byker Grove - 1989

One of the earliest stars of Byker Grove, Geoff Keegan (Billy Fane) had a beard reminiscent of the styles last seen on wealthy Victorian factory owners. It was a beard which would later go on to keep a rambunctious Ant and Dec in line, but also make sure that a generation of Geordie tearaways stayed out of trouble. His beard would never have worked over at Denton Burn, but they were a bunch of oikish losers, so I doubt Geoff ever regretted not transferring his beard to the Burn.

2. Richard Stilgoe - Stilgoe's On - 1986

Admittedly, Richard Stilgoe's quite amazing 80s jumpers detracted from his simple beard arrangement, but it was a beard nonetheless. Although it has the whiff of an amateur magician to it, Stilgoe managed to avoid having to pull rabbits out of a hat to justify it. Instead, Stilgoes On allowed him the opportunity to showcase his 'friendly uncle' beard which contained a little knowledge on every subject under the sun had plenty of (purely non-magic) tricks up its sleeve to keep children occupied.

3. Mr Jupiter - Pigeon Street - 1981

Mr Jupiter was an astronomer who had a passion for the heavens, but you could be easily mistaken in thinking that they also had a desire for his face. For, nestling on over half his face, there appeared to be a cumulonimbus cloud which had descended from the skies and decided to make Mr Jupiter's face its new residency. More importantly, Mr Jupiter's mammoth beard showed the world what a little bit of perseverance could achieve in the beard stakes. It doesn't really matter when he last shaved (I reckon it was 1954) as his beard was truly immense.

4. Treguard - Knightmare - 1987

Dungeon master Treguard (Hugo Myatt) had plenty on his hands what with goblins running amok and children from Saffron Walden arguing about which spell to cast, but he still found time to nurture a thick, dark and rich beard. Frankly, if I were a marauding orc and I saw this fuzzy face coming towards me, I'd drop my broadsword and hop on the first dragon out of there.

5. Sheriff of Nottingham - Maid Marian and Her Merry Men - 1989

The Sheriff of Nottingham (Tony Robinson) possessed a Middle Ages 'chin-beard' of the highest order which imbued him with a devious and sinister edge. It did, of course, make him look faintly ridiculous, but what's facial hair without a little bit of comic value?

6. Brian Cant - Bric-a-Brac - 1980

Has there ever been a moustache which said "Werther's Original" more than Brian Cant's avuncular effort in Bric-a-Brac? Sure, many people would point to their own grandfathers as a point in case, but they're wrong, oh so very wrong, as it was Cant's moustache which was the true embodiment of all that was good and kind in the world.

7. Mr Baxter - Grange Hill - 1981

Mr 'Bullet' Baxter (Michael Cronin) was a formidable, but fair PE teacher who brought a no-nonsense approach to his lessons as well as a stunning beard. Okay, perhaps he was trying to compensate for his ever thinning hair up top, but it did a wonderful job of bringing balance to his face. And just look at the bad teenage moustache being sported over his shoulder. Truly this was an age to grow facial hair and revel in it.

8. Cromarty - Portland Bill - 1983

Blessed with a natural affinity for wearing seafaring garb, Scottish lighthouse hand Cromarty also understood the importance of a well trimmed goatee. Achieving the correct balance either side is a testing task, but when it's achieved with aplomb it can really set your mullet off to hitherto unthinkable levels of elegance and style.

9. Hordriss the Confuser - Knightmare - 1989

Even when he was having an off day, Hordriss (Clifford Norgate) never failed to be any less than a highly striking individual. Infused with eccentricity running through his every vein, Hordriss possessed an equally curious beard teased into highly stylised tufts. The final touch of genius were the red highlights which ensured he co-ordinated beautifully with his red robes.

10. The Chuckle Brothers - ChuckleVision - 1987

Not only would it be impossible to separate Barry and Paul Chuckle's moustaches into individual efforts, it would be highly cruel as the brothers are, essentially, a single entity. And whilst their moustaches were fairly simple affairs, it was this pragmatic approach to 'face tailoring' which defined being a Northerner in the 1980s. Iconic and unforgettable.

11. Timothy Claypole - Rentaghost - 1981

Timothy Claypole (Michael Staniforth) may have struggled to get to grips with the modern world, but one area of 20th century life that he was able to embrace was the need for good razor skills. The result was a suave goatee which demonstrated how, if you weren't prepared to go full beard, you could still have a hirsute face and look like a ruddy ladykiller. Please note that most women, however, are put off by belled hats.

12. Braithwaite - Behind the Bike Sheds - 1983

Braithwaite (Cal McCrystal) was the headmaster at Fulley Comprehensive and, in that time honoured tradition, he was truly a dictatorial menace. However, Braithwaite was unable to draw the line at being a complete and utter ghoul, he also had to go one step further and grow a Hitler moustache. Correctly termed a 'toothbrush' moustache, it highlights just how subversive facial hair can be due to the social and cultural history nestling in amongst the bristles.

13. David Bellamy - Bellamy's Bugle - 1987

A highly passionate botanist, David Bellamy is also a great advocate of face foliage having been, almost probably, born with a fully fledged beard. Bellamy's Bugle allowed Bellamy to tutor British schoolchildren about the wonders of the world around them, but strangely he never devoted an episode to the wonders of a beard. Nonetheless, the presence, in every episode, of his own beard not only helped underline his barmy personality, but acted as an influential seed which would later germinate on many viewers' faces decades later.

14. Worzel Gummidge - 1981

Some people simply aren't designed to grow beards, but, believe me, they'll still try their damndest to cultivate something on their delicate faces. And Worzel Gummidge (Jon Pertwee) acted as an inspiration for all these wispy haired goons with the fragile shootlings emanating from his chin. To be fair, poor old Worzel was always going to struggle what with his head consisting of either a turnip, manglewurzel or swede - vegetables historically known for their lack of facial hair. However, it's every man's (or vegetable's) right to attempt a beard, so, as long as you can take the accusations of being a "Bumfluff Mary", get growing!

15. Inky - Chips' Comic - 1983

Forever clad in dungarees and a particularly fetchingneckerchief, Inky (Gordon Griffin) was an industrious chap keen on printing comics about the world around us and, as per the picture, a huge fan of Cadbury's Dairy Milk. However, the most stand out feature of Inky was his dense, bushy moustache which was a marvel of facial hair and indicated qualities of strength and determination. If, at the time, he wasn't referred to as "Britain's answer to Magnum PI", then he most certainly should have been.

16. Matthew Kelly - CITV - 1986

With nods to the coiffured stylings of Scandinavian folk musicians, Matthew Kelly was, during the mid 1980s, a very hairy man. As you can see here, he's pinning viewers' drawings onto the wall, but only weeks previously, upon a rather narcissistic request for pictures of himself to be sent in, Kelly unwittingly caused The Great Fuzzy Felt Shortage of 1986.

17. Cole Hawlings - The Box of Delights - 1984

Despite owning a magical box of delights which opened up pathways to other worlds, it was only Cole Hawlings (Patrick Troughton) second most amazing possession as his beard was a fantastic construction of protein filaments. With his salt and pepper stylings underlining his vast experience and knowledge of all things weird and wonderful, it was a particularly refined beard which wouldn't have looked out of place on an Edwardian sea captain. Okay, his haircut offered up a bit too much hobo chic to ever reach the lofty position of captain, but if your boat was attacked by a sea monster, Cole Hawlings would be the perfect man in charge.

18. Matthew Corbett - The Sooty Show - 1984

Matthew Corbett faced a tough dilemma as host of The Sooty Show as, on the one hand, his furry co-stars had the most wonderful allover body beards, but he also had to draw a line between man and beast to prevent an animalistic anarchy engulfing the house. Luckily, Corbett was able to call upon the experience of zoologists and barbers to design a beard which would, firstly, define him as a man, but also call to mind his wild, primate ancestors.

19. Ted Glen - Postman Pat - 1981

Ask any man if they worry about their length from time to time and the answer will be a resounding YES! However, for Ted Glen, it's plain to see that his great confidence stems from the eyepopping length of his thick, black moustache. In fact, is it even a moustache? Because, with just an extra inch, this man would have a goatee. Therefore, the enigmatic nature of Ted Glen's 'goatache' marks him out as a pioneer in avant-gardefacial hair.

20. Noel Edmonds - Swap Shop - 1981

Noel Edmonds' beard has become a mainstay of British TV, but back in the early 80s it was behind a number of intriguing swaps on Swap Shop. Rather famously, in a move which went on to change the landscape of TV contracts, Noel Edmonds had a clause written into his contract to guarantee that his beard would never EVER be offered up as part of a potential swap. Just imagine a beardless Edmonds, Telly Addicts simply wouldn't have got off the ground.

So, there we have it, 20 examples of how children of the 1980s - in their most formative years - were bombarded with an assortment of facial hair styles. And this is why we're now surrounded by a new generation of hairy faces, one which draws from its past influences and seeks to, somehow, better them. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to chuck my razor in the bin.

When I was a much younger man, I worked with a much older man who frequently imparted wisdom to me such as "If you're gonna cheat on your girlfriend, mate, do not, and I repeat, do NOT shit on your own doorstep" and "You ever go to India, mate, don't you trust their water out there, they're used to all the bacteria, but you're not, so just drink whisky all day to be safe".

Now, even at the tender, impressionable age of 18, I realised that what he was talking was utter rot and borne from a lifetime of dishonesty and poor medical knowledge - two traits I despise in people. As a result, I've never cheated (unless dancing rather closely during the conga counts) and I've certainly never been to India, but God knows I've eaten a few.

However, perhaps my experience, as a young adult, was just a blip on society's advancement to a more learned state of existence; maybe, it's possible to find yourself paired with someone who's seen it all before and can tutor you in the pitfalls of the world and the behaviour of others. And, just maybe, a perfect example could be found lurking within Sharon and Elsie.

Genre: Comedy
Channel: BBC1
Transmission: 1984 - 1985

Elsie Beecroft (Brigit Forsyth) is an administrator at James Blake & Son, a printer and manufacturer of greetings cards and calendars in Manchester. And, following the retirement of office secretary Eunice, Elsie is eager for a new secretary to be appointed. The first interviewee Sharon Wilkes (Janette Beverly) is late - her shaggy dog McQueen ran off with her shoes - but this is of little consequence as Maureen Hartley is due in for an interview and she sounds marvellous, she's also Elsie's husband's cousin's wife.

Maureen, however, gets offered a job elsewhere first and, the next applicant, Mrs Tibbett (Paula Tilbrook) is nothing short of a disaster, all scatterbrained and with curious aspirations of being a poet - an aspiration she's held for 40 years. Eventually, Sharon rushes through the door and despite Elsie's reluctance to grant Sharon an interview due to her tardiness, factory floor manager Stanley Crabtree (John Landry) manages to usher her into the interview, mostly due to his roving eye for anything in a skirt. Sharon's chances are further improved by the presence of her Uncle Tommy (John Junkin) as shop steward.

Sharon's interview is a success and given her fleet fingered typing skills she secures the job. Elsie is initially horrified, in part due to her middle class sensibilities being threatened by Sharon's cheery working class ebullience, but Elsie soon grows fond of Sharon and takes her under her wing. Together, they take on such plots as striking factory workers, the terrors of tea lady Ivy (Maggie Jones), the ups and downs of Sharon's relationship with boyfriend Wayne (John Wild) and even that sitcom favourite of Elsie's husband Roland (Bruce Montague) doing his damndest to throw a surprise party for their anniversary.

Behind the Women

Sharon and Elsie was a BBC1 sitcom which consisted of 2x 6 episode series and aired on Friday evenings in 1984 and 1985. The series was written by Arline Whittaker who also wrote the 1987 BBC Radio 2 sitcom which starred Barbara Windsor and Peter Sallis. Each series was repeated several months after the initial airing, but no further repeats followed until UK Gold showed both series in the early 90s. The series was produced and directed by Roger Race who had previously overseen comedy productions such as Sykes, It's Marty Feldman, Broaden Your Mind and In Sickness and in Health.

Cross Generational Hilarity

I guess it's possible that I may have caught some of Sharon and Elsie when it originally aired in the 1980s, but the chances are slim as I was only 3 at the time of the final repeat. Frankly, during that era, unless a show featured a puppet then I wasn't really interested. Although I do remember a fondness for Only Fools and Horses which I mistakenly referred to as Del Boy.

Anyway, let's just assume that I didn't watch Sharon and Elsie and the arrival of this sitcom in my hands offered a new opportunity to indulge in some old comedy. Now, I'm a big fan of Whatever Happened to the Likely Lads so the chance to see Brigit Forsyth thrust to the front of her own sitcom was an intriguing proposition. And I couldn't forget Janette Beverley, I grew up watching her as Sister Diane Meadows in Children's Ward and always hoped she'd be the nurse prescribed to me if I ever ended up in hospital, but I was a remarkably healthy child and this never transpired.

So, a couple of stars who I had a lot of time for and it was a female led sitcom to help counter the dominance of male led sitcoms in the old hilarity stakes.

And, as predicted, Forsyth and Beverly are on fine form in Sharon and Elsie. Elsie's mature intelligence is captured perfectly by Forsyth and she uses this to keep a watchful eye over her young charge. And, with her mane of lustrous blonde hair, twinkling blue eyes and girl next door charm, Beverly brings a highly likeable air to Sharon, in fact, it's a surprise that Janette Beverley didn't go on to do more in the world of comedy.

There's an excellent chemistry between Sharon and Elsie, but unfortunately the writer doesn't make enough of this as it's crying out for a bit of conflict. The greatest sitcoms feature characters seemingly working together, but with hidden agendas all of their own; the greatest example of which is probably Albert and Harold in Steptoe and Son. Too often in Sharon and Elsie, the female leads are working in conjunction with each other against external parties and this leads to a drought in dynamics.

It's a serious malady for a sitcom to be struck with, but it's not helped by the supporting cast who bring very little to the narrative. Whilst Sharon and Elsie's co-workers are well acted - particularly Maggie Jones and her trademark acid tongue - they feel very underused and irrelevant; this leads to dialogue heavy two-handers between Sharon and Elsie which, although insightful and well written, struggle to generate any energy. And Mrs Tibbett's constant reappearances smack of barmyness for the sake of barmyness and led to me rolling my eyes whenever she shuffled on screen.

The laughter quota, also, struggles to come up trumps. Sure, I snorted out a few laughs here and there, but Sharon and Elsie is severely lacking in terms of stitch inducing laughter. Choice gags include such clunkers as a mispronounced discussion on metabolism resulting in "Metabolics? Is it like aerobics?" which made me pause the show and curse. Ivy, when discussing a Rastafarian remarks "Me cousin Muriel was a Rastafarian... Or was it a Rosicrucian?" and that's about as sophisticated as the comedy gets.

A few points to take note of:

Just how amazingly 80s is Sharon's wardrobe? All jumpsuits, flowing skirts and brightly coloured earrings, it's an absolute bonanza of 80s fashion
That theme tune is very retro, isn't it? Even for a 1980s composition, it feels as though it's tumbled straight out of the 1960s
Is it just me or does the James Blake & Son set appear to be the inspiration for the set featured in 'When the Whistle Blows' in Extras?

Final Thoughts

Sharon and Elsie is far from an offensively bad sitcom, but, instead, it's the extreme inoffensiveness and middling approach to narrative that makes it somewhat of a struggle.

The situation of the sitcom has a firm foundation with two generations of women coming together, but it fails to build on this as neither Sharon or Elsie ultimately learn much from each other and, in lieu of this approach, there's very little in the way of real conflict to create pure comedy. If you're a big British comedy fan then it's worth watching a few episodes, but any more than this and you'll struggle to stay on board.

And what happened to my old mentor who encouraged me to cheat and drink whisky? Well, he retired early with nearly a million in the bank and now spends part of the year living in Australia. Maybe there was something in his 'advice' after all...

Have you ever seen how excited children get when they're confronted with animals? It's like catnip to cats, but with, uh, cats to humans... Anyway, children love animals and I guess this is down to the fact that animals never shout "DON'T DO THAT!" and are prone to running around with a manic abandon, just like children.

However, there's a whole world of animals out there and, no matter where you live, you're always going to be limited to the furry, feathered or scaly critters you can encounter. So, how do you teach children about the diversity of our beloved planet's wildlife?

Sure, you could stick them in front of a David Attenborough documentary, but, whilst a world beater in the world of adult television, this type of documentary is perhaps a bit too sedate for over-excitable children. Instead, they want a bit of laughter, fun and song. And, luckily, this can all be found by taking a trip to Animal Fair.

Genre: Children's
Channel: BBC1
Transmission: 1986, 1988

Animal Fair uses stock footage to bring wildlife from all four corners of the globe into our living rooms without the carpets being turned into a horrendous combination of browns and smells. And that's why we get to see beavers chewing through trees, crocodiles burying their eggs on the riverbank and gorillas lumbering across woodlands. Occasionally, original footage is also included, but this is reserved purely for UK based filming such as Gilly the collie dog going fishing.

Wildlife footage is all well and good, but you need something to bring it all together and provide, at the very least, a basic narrative. Luckily, not only does Animal Fair have antipodean great Don Spencer on hand, but Don's mercurial talents are also coming along for the ride; songs featured include an ode to Don's beloved marsupial family ("It's a marsupial! It's a marsupial"), a ditty about the deceptive nature of crocodiles ("Crocodile, you've got a wonderful smile, and I must admit I kind of like your style") and even a song about garden wildlife ("Ants so busy working all the day, I wonder if they stop for tea").

Feeding the Animals

Two series of Animal Fair were produced for BBC with the first series in 1986 comprising 8 episodes (airing at 4pm on a Wednesday and then repeated the next day in the lunchtime SeeSaw slot) and the second series in 1988 being a shorter run of 5 episodes (episodes airing at 4pm on Wednesdays). The series was repeated a few times on BBC1 and BBC2, the final repeats came in 1992.

Animal Magic

Despite the first series airing in an era where I managed to maintain an encyclopedic knowledge of lunchtime children's TV, I honestly can't remember one sing iota about Animal Fair. Naturally, this was a troubling situation, so I leapt at the chance to watch a few episodes when they were offered to me.

There's something quite enchanting about wildlife documentaries, captured on camera instead of cowering away or lurking in the undergrowth, it's an opportunity to view the less than subservient animal subjects of the world we've taken control of. And Animal Fair is no different.

Children, of course, are great explorers and ravenous for new sights and sounds, so Animal Fair delivers plenty of exotic animals such as wombats, crocodiles and prairie dogs to satisfy this curiosity. However, children also love the security of familiarity and that's why it's a clever move to include collie dogs, cats and hedgehogs.

Most exciting, though, are the songs in Animal Fair. Anyone who was young in the 1980s will be well aware of Don Spencer and his talent for knocking up a catchy little number. He thrilled us in Play School, he dazzled us in Hokey Cokey and the musical prowess of those two shows is easily matched by Animal Fair.

In fact, given that Don Spencer is so engaging in front of the camera, it's a real shame he's merely on narration duties in Animal Fair. Seeing a presenter get up close with animals always makes for an intimate affair, but I guess the budget wouldn't stretch to sending Spencer all round the world.

A few points to take note of:

Whatever happened to that brand of children's TV presenter who could also play guitar and sing a la Don Spencer and Derek Griffifths?
Animal Fair was surely the inspiration for Two by Two which featured the songs of Derek Griffifths and the 'close up with animals' presenting of Jenny Powell, right?
Is it just me or are the animated animals in the opening titles reminiscent of the wonderful artwork on the Cadbury Wildlife bars from the same era?

All the Fun of the Fair?

Animal Fair may be a simplistic affair and certainly surpassed - in terms of vision - by The Really Wild Show and Two by Two, but it remains a menagerie of fun and is certainly more entertaining than any stuffy old book. And, of course, there's Don Spencer. And Don Spencer songs. And that's a marvellous combination, so Animal Fair gets the Curious British Telly seal of approval.

A few weeks back, I reported on the haul of VHS tapes I had recently picked up and, since then, I've been slowly going through them when I've had half a chance. As expected, there's been an awful load of codswallop to wade through and, believe me Auntie's Bloomers doesn't get any funnier with age.

However, in amongst this mediocrity, there have been a few gems which are worth revisiting. They're not ridiculously old although they are between 20 - 25 years old which, rather disturbingly, is actually a bloody long time ago. Anyway, here they are:

Punt and Dennis Series 2 Episode 6 - BBC1 - 1995

Following their success as part of The Mary Whitehouse Experience, Punt and Dennis were rewarded with a sketch show of their own. The first series aired in 1994 under the rather lengthy title of The Imaginatively Titled Punt and Dennis Show, but the second series saw it re-titled Punt and Dennis. And here's the final episode.

Norman Wisdom Maryland Advert 1991

I've sat through countless adverts whilst sorting through the tapes, but one from 1991 caught my eye as it featured the late, great Norman Wisdom advertising Mayland Maxis cookies.

Fantasy Football League Promo - BBC2 - 1995

Comedy was always at the heart of Fantasy Football League and this promo for the second series in 1995 shows Baddiel and Skinner taking on the inimitable guises of Saint and Greavsie. I tweeted the clip to Baddiel and all he could say was "Blimey!"

The Preventers - ITV (Carlton) - 1996

Now this is a real oddity and the sort of thing that I get up for in the morning. Starring Morwenna Banks, Robert Harley and Chris England, The Preventers was a one-off comedy which relentlessly spoofed British spy thrillers from the 1960s and 70s. It's quite, quite hilarious and incredibly unknown - you need this in your life.

Hopefully there's still plenty more to find, so keep your eyes peeled for more updates. Other tidbits and oddities can be found over on my YouTube page, so make sure you saunter over there at some point too.

Although not an exceptionally popular child, I could still lay claim to a decent amount of friends. However, over the years, I've lost touch with so many of them that I barely need one hand to count those I still speak to. It's not a surprise, though, as everyone starts drifting in different directions as they get older and, anyway, I'm not sure I ever really liked Stephen Watlington, James Pashley or Mark Ewings (an undeniable scroat who nicked some of my Monster in my Pockets).

The friends you do stay in touch with, though, offer not only a wonderful excuse for nostalgic meanderings and recollections, but also a firm friendship which promises to deliver plenty more adventure for decades to come. At least that's what you'd like to think, but there's always the chance you'll get lumbered with the type of associates you thought (and hoped) would swiftly disappear with the last vestiges of acne and teenage angst. A case in point is the situation comedy stylings of Me, You and Him.

Genre: Comedy
Channel: ITV (Thames)
Transmission: 30/07/1992 - 03/09/1992

John (Nick Hancock) is a PE teacher by trade, but covers other subjects such as Maths and English (subjects that awards homework marks to based on random numbers he hits on a dartboard or, where necessary, the roll of a dice). Harry (Hugh Dennis) is the quintessential career man with an anal dedication to work at the expense of all else, but behind this studious front he pines desperately for his ex-girlfriend Claire (Adie Allen). Mark, meanwhile, is certainly educated, but, in reality, he's an unemployed layabout who lives with his parents.

This trio of characters haven't, though, just been thrown together randomly. Friends since childhood, they've been in and out of each others lives ever since. Harry has been working abroad for the last three years - in which time Mark secretly dated Claire for a few months - but now he's back and has moved into John's flat until he patches things up with Claire. In the flat above live probation officer Helen (Harriet Thorpe) along with Todd (Ron Donachie) - the pair met whilst Todd was doing a two year suspended sentence for aggravated burglary.

Together, John, Harry and Mark navigate their way through life (and the glowing embers of their friendships) in the early 90s (in fictional London area Southbridge) as John seeks to earn extra cash with private French tuition (he's still learning himself), Harry attempts to reignite his romance with Claire by taking her to see Dire Straits, but ends up locked in the flat and covered in paint whilst Mark ends up the best man for a highly irritating childhood friend he can barely remember.

Me, You and Who?

Me, You and Him was a six part series which aired in 1992 on ITV and was written by Nick Hancock, Steve Punt and Hugh Dennis. Episodes aired on 8.30pm on Thursday evenings and no repeats of the series ever aired.

Wanting to know a little more about the show, I caught up with Nick Hancock to see what he remembered about the series all these years on:

"Steve, Hugh and I had been great friends since the off and it was made easier by the fact that they were two of the nicest men you could ever meet, so we always worked well together. We hadn't long left university, so flat sharing was something that was on all our minds and, first and foremost, we wanted to be in it!

Whilst we were all making waves in comedy at the time, we certainly had to work hard to get Me, You and Him commissioned. Steve did the lion's share of the writing with Hugh a close second, I was more coffee monitor than anything! It was very different to performing in the Footlights as sitcom is such a frustratingly stop/start process that you need to keep the adrenaline under control, the complete opposite of live work.

Luckily, it was relatively stress free as we had a wonderful team around us. Also, ignorance (which we had in abundance) is bliss, but I still learned that sitcom is very hard to do. There wasn't really any chat about a second series, like bestiality once is probably enough"

Flat Share Fun

I recently unearthed an episode of the Punt and Dennis sketch show and, whilst admiring it, a loyal Twitter follower (and fellow comedyphile) asked if I remembered the sitcom that Punt and Dennis had done with Nick Hancock. And, stone me, I hadn't even heard of it, let alone had the capacity to store its existence in my memory. Naturally, I couldn't go too long without watching even a trailer for it, so got to work searching for it and soon had the full series in my grasp.

Flat share sitcoms are nothing new, so Me, You and Him transports the viewer to familiar territory, but whilst contemporary, male led sitcoms such as Men Behaving Badly and Game On were decidedly laddish, Me, You and Him is a very different beast. Although it's clearly moored in reality, it's calibrated slightly off-kilter which allows the Me, You and Him to conduct the occasionally surreal flourish such as Danny Baker (complete with 90s soap powder) stalking John and Mark round a supermarket.

The episodes are well crafted and make for an easy watch due to the overall bonhomie pulsing through the series' veins. Sure, they're not meticulous pieces of stone cold comedy genius and they don't delve deep into the inner workings of friendship, but they're boisterous narratives with plenty of twists and laughs along the way - 'Crime and Punishment' perhaps being the best demonstration of this. And, despite the early-ish time slot of 8.30pm, the series avoids falling into bland family friendly territory andmanages to slip in a few risque comments as it goes.

Surprisingly, despite the presence of arch satirists Punt and Dennis, there's no near the knuckle satire, but, instead, there are LOADS of early 90s references sprinkled throughout.

In fact, there's enough that I'm seriously considering starting up a Me, You and Him drinking game where you have to down a shot for every 90s reference. BBC soap disaster Eldorado gets several withering mentions, the Colgate Actibrush "Still Working!" advert keeps John busy for half an episode and then there's the aforementioned Danny Baker cameo. Oh, and there's a disturbing Jim'll Fix It reference where John claims to know Jimmy Saville and can 'fix it' for a pupil of his to sleep with Moira Stuart...

What really caught my attention, though, were the characters and the actors behind them and the uncanny similarities to their own lives.

Nick Hancock - previously a PE teacher and forever a suffering Stoke fan - gives a wry edge to John and seems to really delight in his conniving, lazy antics. Punt, meanwhile, appears to have tumbled out of a 6th form common room with his smarts being undermined by his reliance on his parents, but provides plenty of comic relief. Dennis, who spent six years in marketing at Unilever, is less likeable due to his character's workaholic dedication - and this is why his storyline with Claire fails to fully gel and engage - but still generates enough pomposity to be relentlessly pricked.

And, isn't it great seeing these three eager comedy pups chomping at the bit and ready to take on the world years before Room 101, Punt and Dennis, They Think It's All Over and Outnumbered really put them on the comedy map?

A Friend in Need?

Writing in the Daily Express at the time, critic Compton Miller dismissed Me, You and Him as "a misguided, claustrophobic offcut from The Mary Whitehouse Experience", but he also described Harry as "flash" and "aggressive", so I've got no idea what he was watching at the time.

Personally, I found something inherently enjoyable about the series. It's not the most fantastic sitcom I've ever seen (or even featured on this blog), but the chemistry between the creative team delivers a fun sitcom made by three long term friends who, obviously, knew a good friendship when they saw one. And wouldn't nick each other's Monster in my Pockets.

Another month has almost passed by and, here at Curious British Telly, I've been busy working on my first print book 'The Hidden Gems and Oddities of British Children's TV', so the blog has been fairly quiet. However, last weekend, I went to pick up around 130-ish VHS tapes which, I was told, stretched all the way back to the early 1980s. And, with this sort of prospect dangling in front of me, I couldn't resist exploring them and shoving my book to the side for a week or two.

Whereas the last haul of tapes I got only went as far back as 1989, and mostly consisted of tapes from 1997 onwards, this new batch went way back into the early days of home recordings so promised to contain some intriguing slices of British television - especially when this collection of tapes included Scotch 'rainbow' tapes and also a very early Ferguson Videostar tape. Sadly, I found that the Ferguson case no longer contained the original tape and, instead, had a bootleg copy of Return of the Jedi in it, but many others held some fascinating looking tapes.

And, as per most tape explorations I've conducted, a high number of these tapes contained films, in particular many, many Bond films and about three recordings of Robocop 2. However, here and there, I unearthed a few little gems of television. The most common place to find these snippets and clips tended to be towards the end of tapes, after the main films when sections of previously recorded shows would emerge from the static of Bond credits.

Here's a few of the bits and pieces I've found - with contributions from some other VHS tapes which have come my way - in the last month.

1. Go For It - BBC1 - 30/07/1989

Despite believing that all but one of my original VHS tapes had been part of the great VHS purge my home experienced in the mid 2000s, I was delighted to hear from my mother that she had found a few tapes in my bedroom.

One of them contained mostly wall to wall Disney cartoons and the original transmission of the Doctor Who serial 'Survival' (which almost brought a tear to my eye as I remembered by Dad's dedication to recording the last two seasons of Who for me), but also, at the end of the tape, was around 5 minutes of this rather strange Gloria Hunniford health/quiz show 'Go For It' which ran for 10 episodes in 1989 and was never repeated.

2. Nationwide - BBC1 - 1983

The very first tape I picked out - a wonderfully retro shell-like case Memorex - from my latest collection of VHS tapes just happened to feature two Nationwide features from January 1983 which featured Anne Diamond and David Jensen looking ahead to the upcoming British Rock and Pop Awards (which would later morph into industry gig The Brit Awards). And doesn't Anne Diamond look young here? And as for David Jensen's early 80s jumpers, they're things of true beauty.

3. Saturday Superstore - BBC1 - 08/01/1983

Another early highlight of the tapes was this five minute segment from Saturday Superstore featuring Mike Read discussing the wonders of blue screen effects with Matt Irvine from the BBC Visual Effects department. Having been brought up on Going Live! and then Live and Kicking, I've always been a fan of Saturday morning BBC children's shows, so it was really fascinating to watch something that was likely playing out in the background as the four month old me cried for a bottle.

4. Rat on the Road Continuity - ITV - 1983

Admittedly it's just a snippet of one of the biggest stars of TV in the mid 80s, but it's also a very rare piece of continuity from Roland Rat which featured in his Rat on the Road show which followed Good Morning Britain in the summer holidays. And just look at that amazingly retro mobile phone which taps into Roland's sophisticated rodent about town persona. Oh, and it was filmed in the Hilton, Park Lane - a fact I know because Roland Rat told me on Twitter.

5. Coronation Street 08/02/1984 & Minder Trailer & HTV In-Vision

Nestling at the end of one tape was a complete episode of Coronation Street from 1984 which not only featured Percy Sugden wearing a delightfully 80s blueparka, but also a ridiculously young looking Kevin Webster and Gail Tilsley. However, even more intriguing was that there was a HTV In-vision section which featured Margaret Pritchard narrating a trailer for that evening's Minder and also introducing the latest episode of Coronation Street.

Now, most ITV regional In-vision sections were never kept, so it appears this is a piece of missing television, albeit tiny. Nonetheless, I'm as pleased as punch to find something unusual and will be fowarding it over to the good chaps at Kaleidoscope who do search a sterling job in archiving and preserving such bits of footage.

6. Allsorts 'Jumble' - ITV - 1989

Allsorts was one of my favourite children's shows as I was growing up and, truth be told, I carried on watching it long after I had departed the target age range. And that's why I was thrilled to find this on a tape that was sent my way this month, especially when the amount of existing footage on YouTube is fairly sparse.

This particular episode sees the gang sorting through some jumble and, whilst this may sound sedate, it's shot through with that amiable brand of presenting, adventure and activity that the series made its trademark.

7. Chelsea v Sunderland FA Cup Halftime Analysis - 1992 - Sky Sports

I had absolutely no idea that Sky Sports had shown any form of top level football prior to the Premier League, but it turns out they had been transmitting FA Cup games since 1991. And here's the half time chat from the Chelsea v Sunderland game which features Vinnie Jones, Ron Atkinson and Richard Keys discussing the main talking points from the first half. And Vinnie Jones rolls up his trouser leg to show off his FA Cup winners tattoo whilst Richard Keys wears a hideous Sky blazer.

8. Reflections - ?! - ?!

Now this is a real oddity of a find which has proved almost impossible to identify, so it's a curious beast indeed. It appears to be a gardening programme featuring a Welsh chap called Richard Bowering taking a jaunt round his mate's garden and admiring all the foliage, but that's all I know as the end of it is missing, so I can't identify a channel or year of production.

However, given that many of the tapes I've received this month have HTV or BBC Wales idents throughout them, and this show features the heavy presence of Welsh accents (and miners), makes me think this is some type of regional programme. If anyone's got any ideas then please get in touch as I'd love to identify it!

A massive thanks, of course, goes out to the people who have donated tapes to me this month. And, as ever, I'm still on the lookout for plenty more of your old VHS tapes (particularly ones from the 1980s), so send me an email if you can help!

What passes for acceptable behaviour in society is constantly evolving and reflects the changing times we live in. And these, sometimes radical, shifts in decency and morals can horrify the old guard.

Where once, they had been assured of a landscape governed by a shared moral yardstick, they may suddenly find themselves adrift of society’s progress.It clearly creates a sense of discord between the generations, but you know what, discord breeds comedy. And sometimes it can be a real side splitter.

You only have to take a look at grainy 1960s news footage of old chaps shaking their heads and spluttering “Have you ever seen the like? A skirt which is miniaturised?! Dear heavens!” to see how the preposterous and sanctimonious guarding of moral decency is hilarious.

And, of course, the comedy doesn’t necessarily come purely from old fashioned values held up against the modern world. That, after all, would be rather one dimensional. The real comedy enters the equation when there’s a conjoined level of hypocrisy, so would we see this in Grundy?

Genre: Comedy
Channel: ITV
Transmission: 14/07/1980 - 18/08/1980

Leonard Grundy (Harry H Corbett) has had his marriage dissolved and it’s left him feeling a little paranoid. As he leaves the court a single man, he becomes convinced that a reporter is on his trail and keen to uncover the salacious details of his marriage.

And the last thing that a newsagent needs is for the intricacies of his private life to be splashed all over the very product he sells. After all, it’s a highly lascivious tale what with his wife leaving him for Burt Loomis, bed salesman extraordinaire with the tagline “Bounce with Burt, the best beds in Basingstoke”.

Luckily, his scarlet haired pursuant isn’t a journalist. In fact, Beryl Loomis (Lynda Baron) – yes, wife of Burt – is simply a fellow divorcee. And it’s this common ground they share which she believes could lead to a beautiful, yet platonic friendship with Grundy.

It’s a relationship which appears – despite Beryl’s enigmatic flirting – to lack the romantic frisson developing, quite by chance, between Grundy’s daughter Sharon (Julie Dawn Cole) and Beryl’s son Murray (David Janson).

Nonetheless, Grundy views both sets of relationships as equally repugnant to his moral compass which is struggling to point true north in a society where erotic magazines are embraced and as he spies in an issue of Love and Romance “half the London population practice oriental lovemaking techniques”.

But why does he keep letting Beryl into his life?

A Moral Blueprint

Grundy was a six episode ITV sitcom which aired during the summer of 1980. The series had been planned to air at the end of 1979, but after the first episode was recorded in summer 1979, a 10 week industrial dispute brought ITV programming to a halt.

And in more depressing news, Harry H Corbett suffered a slight coronary after recording the first episode.

Behind all this chaos, though, there was a series of scripts which had been crafted by Ken Hoare. A stalwart of television comedy, Hoare had written extensively for Stanley Baxter and scripted shows such as Beggar My Neighbour and Turnbull’s Finest Half Hour.

And Hoare’s scripts managed to pull in some very respectable viewing figures. The first episode garnered 12.15 million viewers and was the fifth most viewed programme that week. Ratings dipped down to 9.5 million during the middle of the series run, but leapt up to 11.95 million for the final episode.

Loose Morals Laid Bare

With vivid blue eyes and a characterful face built upon the foundations of a strong jawline, Harry H Corbett was a captivating sight whenever he stepped onto stage or screen. And it’s no surprise to hear that he was touted as “the English Marlon Brando” in the early days of his career.

With highly nuanced facial expressions, Corbett could convey a thousand emotions and words with just one turn of the head. The success that this brought Corbett on the stage meant that it was inevitable that television would soon come calling. And, with Steptoe and Son, Corbett found himself catapulted into the public’s consciousness.

As Harold Steptoe, Corbett seared his face into the British consciousness with an iconic intensity which has traversed the decades and delighted millions, but the majority of people know little of his other work. In particular, his final transmitted piece of work, Grundy, remains curiously consigned to sitcom oblivion.

And if there’s one thing that piques my inquisitiveness more than a forgotten sitcom starring a sitcom great then, quite frankly, it’s nothing more that witchcraft and deserves to be hurled into the village pond. So, with no witches making themselves known in my local vicinity, I trotted off to the BFI Archive to watch three episodes of Grundy.

When looking back at a beloved actor’s final piece of work it’s difficult to separate the tragic context of death from a truly objective point of view. However, I’m not a foolish man and when I say that Harry H Corbett is absolutely fantastic in Grundy you have to believe me that these words are much more than just a schmaltzy, hollow tribute.

Because, frankly, Grundy itself is not the finest vehicle for an actor to be sent off in, but Corbett manages to raise his head proudly above the parapet of mediocrity.

Leonard Grundy - a knowing nod to Mrs Grundy, fictional 18th century doyen of respectability – is most certainly a character primed for comedic hilarity. With a sanctimonious relish he rejects the permissive society around him, but his pomposity in underlining this sets him up for almighty fall after almighty fall.

And what seems to really grind Grundy’s gears is the modern obsession with sex. For Grundy, it all went wrong for society when sex education started getting a bit too graphic and real. In his day he was taught about the life cycle on the salmon and that was spicy enough.

Naturally, this aversion to enjoying the pleasures of the flesh no doubt ruined Grundy’s relationship with his ex-wife, Vera.

Whereas Grundy views Vera as failing to stick to her moral principles, he prides himself on a resolute moral rigidity. This clashing outlook on life is best typified when, discussing whether he enjoyed their sex life, Grundy quips “I had far too much respect for my wife to enjoy anything of that nature.”

Corbett, of course, was a highly talented actor, so it’s always a delight to see him exercising his acting ability. And he doesn’t disappoint with Grundy who feels unlike any other character he portrayed over his long career. It also helps that he’s paired with the legendary Lynda Baron.

Baron’s CV is as dazzling as Corbett’s talent and, truth be told, she matches him scene for scene when it comes to thespian smarts. And Baron has been blessed with a particularly mischievous and saucy smile which provides the perfect catalyst for riling up Grundy’s moral yardstick.

And the premise of Grundy is one which is just ripe for plenty of comedic strife. Setting up Grundy with the ex-wife of the man who ruined his marriage is a clever move, but then romantically pairing the respective offspring of both these families is a sublime touch.

However, the relationship between Grundy and Beryl is a rather baffling affair and this is where the problems begin to seep into Grundy. Beryl is constantly sending out mixed signals which not only confuses Grundy, but also leaves the viewer mystified as to her intentions.

Sure, she’s lonely, but from the very first episode she makes it clear she’s not interested in Grundy physically. YET SHE FLIRTS OUTRAGEOUSLY. And there’s no progression to this relationship whatsoever throughout the course of the series, which makes for a frustrating watch.

Adding further fuel to this frustration is the character of Grundy himself. Now, whilst he’s played with assurance by Corbett, the actual character is nothing more than an incredible bore. With a suffocating sense of fear pervading his every step, Grundy becomes an unlikeable character punctuated by nothing but misery and negativity.

Perhaps the only thing which brings Grundy any joy is his daughter who he claims is the best thing to survive from his divorce. Unfortunately, Sharon, along with Murray, feels pushed out of the main narrative and remains forgotten for long periods, so any sense of engaging parental relationships are struck off from the get go.

So, with the main thrust of Grundy being centred on Grundy – and, to a lesser degree, Beryl – what are we left with in terms of storytelling? Well, there’s certainly a lot of talking…

Yes, that’s right, Grundy delights in two hander scenes. Now, there’s nothing wrong per se with long stretches of dialogue, but they have to have a point. They should tease out character traits and slowly build up tension in order to provide a worthy payoff.

Grundy, however, eschews this for tedious exchanges which sadly fail to advance the plot or characters. And this leads to some particularly boring episodes.

The very first episode, for example, repeatedly hammers home the point – in a train carriage – that Grundy doesn’t like sex or anything remotely immoral. This appears to continue for 5 years, but I suspect it’s closer to 20 minutes.

When you compare this to, say, the first episode of Whatever Happened to the Likely Lads – also set on a train – there’s absolutely no parallel. Admittedly, the reveal at the end of the first Grundy episode is nicely realised, but it feels like such a trek to get there.

Ken Hoare was a fine comedy writer, but in Grundy he struggles to ever get to the heart of the characters. Their motivation is poorly calibrated and as a result it’s difficult for them to produce any humour which truly resonates.

Sure, there are some nice lines such as Grundy claiming Sharon and Murray’s date at the Indian restaurant will result in Sharon being "swept along on a tide of promiscuity and poppadoms", but in three episodes I barely uttered a snigger.

The final episode is perhaps the funniest with Grundy receiving a selection of porn mags meant for a rival shop. Claiming that he needs rubber gloves to handle them followed by a wash with carbolic soap afterwards, Grundy is sent on a farcical journey to offload the offending magazines and reclaim his issues of ‘My Poultry World’.

Closing the series, this episode, rather than aligning him in some erotic liaison with Beryl, instead sees Grundy being arrested for handling copies of ‘A Pictorial Treasury of Scandinavian Au Pairs’. Finally, there’s an ignominious end for Grundy and it certainly titillated my comedy receptors, but it was too late to endear the series to my heart.

Missed Opportunity

There’s a fantastic premise lurking deep within Grundy’s soul, but sadly it’s obstructed by subpar humour and sloth like plots which lack any dynamism. The brilliance of Corbett and Baron’s performances can’t be denied, but I just wish they were acting in a different sitcom.

Corbett’s career contained many highs, however, and I don’t feel as though Grundy detracts from his legacy in any way. It just feels like a wasted chance to channel the talents of a great actor into something very special.

And this leaves me as morose as Leonard Grundy would be if a strip club opened next to his newsagents.

This is an excerpt from my book T he Hidden Gems and Oddities of British TV Comedy Vol.1

Since publishing, a clip from the first episode has appeared on YouTube

The Way, The Truth, The Videowas written by the multi talented Alistair Beaton who can count satirist, writer and radio presenter in amongst his myriad professions. The play itself was a satire on the malleable nature of public opinion and how even the most seemingly just outlooks can be fuelled by sleaze and hypocrisy to secure changes in the moral landscape.

Michael (Peter Firth) is the evangelical host of television's moral high ground 'The Word of God', a show which looks at the temptations of the modern day that the bible didn't have to address. After all, Paul didn't find the road to Damascus littered with adult video shops. Flanked by his three 'angels' Faith (Lindsey Readman), Hope (Greg Butler) and Charity (Andrea) who operate with a disturbingly harmonious sychronisation, Michael certainly isn't immune from temptation and enjoys power, swans round in a Rolls Royce and shares fully nude Jacuzzis with Faith and Charity.

With an anti-permissiveness bill due to be put to Parliament, Michael is determined to see this bill approved, but is well aware that there's a lack of support for it amongst politicians. Determined to remedy this blight on society's moral landscape, Michael sets about allying himself with Mrs Pollard (Annette Crosbie) of the National Association of Socially Concerned Individuals (NASCI) who are campaigning for "A Better Britain" - Mrs Pollard also seems to be terminally concerned about her cat Theodore who appears to have prostate problems, but that's by the by.

This partnership, though, isn't enough for Michael to secure his ideal vision of Britain where the public will see the error of their ways and accept God into their lives. And that's why Michael is pushing for Inspector Crocker (Ian Bannen) of the Met Police to come on board and provide a bit more back up to achieve his dream. Crocker is keen to restore purity for Britain, but advises that the police can't be seen as married to a political movement. However, after a two grand bribe from Michael, Crocker is happy to share intelligence and ensure picketers in Soho aren't dispersed.

And Michael is so ruthlessly determined to get his plan across the line that he's prepared to humiliate the Queen in order to get the press behind the anti-permissiveness bill.

Despite a few flickers of brilliance, I wasn't entirely convinced by the first installment of Tickets for the Titanic, but The Way, The Truth, The Video more than makes up for the anthology's slow start.

First of all, for anyone who's walked through Soho in the last 30 years, The Way, The Truth, The Video acts as a fascinating time capsule of how the area has been cleaned up and changed. Stripclubs, peep shows and adult cinemas litter the streets in such liberal helpings that its far removed from the slim pickings of sleaze in Soho of today where you're more likely to find a flat white than a DVD of Busty British Buggers Vol.3. And the effects of inflation are more than apparent as, back in 1987, signs declare that you can see "Nude Girls in Bed - 50p" whereas these days, so I'm told, it's £2.

Moving on from the erotic and economic history of Soho's sleaze, we need to take a look at the characters.

Annette Crosbie is a delightfully concerned individual who simply wants a return to more respectable values and her daily updates on her cat are quite hilarious. Crosbie's career is dominated by focusing on One Foot in the Grave, but she's a fine dramatic actress and brings a very subtle brand of British comedy to the play with her gentle dose of respectable anxiety.

Ian Bannen's drama credentials speak for themselves with roles in Doctor Finlay and Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, so it's no surprise to find him handling the tough decisions as Crocker with such ease. Almost tortured by temptation, Crocker has to circumnavigate bribes from sex cinema owners in order to follow his desired moral path - the fact that this involves taking a bribe from Michael makes for some fantastic hypocrisy.

The absolute star, though, is clearly Peter Firth. Taking Michael to a ranting, almost possessed level of evangelical preaching is no mean feat and could easily fall into a banal cliche, but here it's an exhilarating tour de force of his talents and underlines why he's been on our screens for so long. In fact, Michael gradually becomes somewhat of a megalomaniac and his quest to bring God to the masses comes at a ruthlessly tragic cost, but it's one which is somehow nullified by his highly charismatic and determined persona.

Together, these characters produce an entertaining black comedy with plenty to say. It's careful not to single out religion as a corrupt force, but instead takes a more comprehensive look at authority and how almost anything can be achieved with corruption.

Michael will stop at nothing to achieve his aims and this takes in not just fraud, bribery and blackmail, but also murder to help him keep his 'ethical' ship on course. Likewise, the police are painted as corrupt and far too involved politically to ever demonstrate any impartiality. And it's a problem which still infects society today - just look at Fifa - but at least The Way, The Truth, The Video does it with a sense of humour; the way in which the Queen is humiliated is a real belly laugh and ensures you're suitably entertained before hitting any metaphorical icebergs.

https://w*w*w.youtube.com/watch?v=dJDMvG47qAs

Every couple of years there's an overblown reaction to the threat of nuclear war; it's usually the result of posturing by the major powers as one tries to goad the other, but the actual chances of an all out nuclear holocaust remain slim because even the most crazed megalomaniac is aware of the slim pickings on offer.

However, all this nuclear hysteria naturally causes a lot of consternation amongst the general public who are relegated to the sidelines and can merely watch, much like a set of girlfriends outside a kebab shop on a Saturday night as their boyfriends square up to each other over a perceived slight.

It's a hysteria which is somewhat entrenched in hyperbole in the 21st century, but back in the early 1980s, as the Cold War rumbled on, it was a threat which felt uncomfortably real and, to those who invested in nuclear fallout shelters, somewhat inevitable. British television tapped into this holocaustal zeitgeist most notably with the bleak nuclear ode Threads in 1984, but preceding this by a couple of years was a detailed look at the effects of a nuclear blast in A Guide to Armageddon.

Genre: Science / Documentary
Channel: BBC1
Transmission: 26/07/1982

Narrated by Ludovic Kennedy, A Guide to Armageddon is part of the science documentary series Q.E.D and considers a hypothetical scenario whereby a megaton nuclear weapon explodes a mile above St Paul's Cathedral, London and whether we could survive it.

The programme is broken down into the following sections which look at the effects of such an explosion:

Heat - At the initial detonation of a nuclear weapon, the temperature at the centre of the explosion will reach 20 million degrees centigrade. This inanely intense heat immediately causes people and objects to burst into flames and melt or char, the bronze cross atop St Paul's Cathedral, for example, would melt in seconds and the thermal rays would boil the shallow areas of the lake in St James Park where temperatures would reach 4,000 degrees centigrade.

Blast - Three seconds after the explosion, the blast wave arrives and obliterates St Paul's Cathedral with ease. And, coupled with the enormous pressure, winds of up to 2,000mph are created and anything within a three and a half mile radius is completely destroyed almost instantly. Further out, the impact on human life is still highly dramatic with people being smashed into buildings by 150mph winds whilst falling debris and flying glass can be fatal.

Fallout - All the earth and debris at the site of a nuclear blast is sucked up into the air and vaporised which causes it to become highly radioactive. Known as fallout, this invisible dust slowly rains back down over a period of weeks and remains dangerous to living cells for two weeks. Exposure to this fallout will gradually cause a series of effects such as nausea, diarrhoea, loss of hair, bleeding from all orifices, delirium and, within three months, the chance of death is exceptionally high.

A Guide to Armageddon also features a look at two couples taking shelter from such a blast. Joy and Erik are sealed within a £10,000 steel bunker which is six feet underground and contains a number of features such as air filtration and sanitation systems. At the other end of the shelter spectrum are Ken and Elizabeth who have built the government recommended domestic nuclear shelter - a glorified trench measuring 5ft 6in by 3ft and located less than 4ft underground.

Despite the varying levels of protection offered by these shelters, the programme ends on a solemn note by pointing out that the couples' real problems may only begin when they emerge after two weeks and are confronted by the loss of electricity, communication, transport and food supplies.

Dropping the Bomb

Airing as part of the inaugral series of Q.E.D in 1982 on BB1, A Guide to Armageddon was originally due to be transmitted on 26th May that year, but was postponed until 26th July. The programme was repeated in 1983 and 84, but has not been aired since, although a copy has made its way onto YouTube. Many of the scenes of destruction and crumbling, ruined buildings were filmed at the disused Beckton Gasworks, London.

A Guide to Armageddon was produced by Mick Jackson - who later went on to direct Threads - and, at the time, he told the Daily Express that the intentions of the series were not to sensationalise, but inform:

"The statistics of casualties and destruction to buildings are all calculated and we simply report the statistics in scientific terms. The programme is not like 'The War Game' in the sense that there is not a lot of blood and gore and people evaporating. We simply explain what the figures mean when they are translated into a medium-size nuclear warhead exploding over a major city like London. We try to spell out the chances of survival. We think people are entitled to interpret the facts themselves"

The show was praised at the time with The Telegraph referring to it as "Maybe the most important television programme ever networked in Britain" whilst The Guardian described it as "A cumulative portrait of horror whose impact might well prove more lasting than any ficionalised or dramatised version".

A follow up episode aired four days later on BBC2 and was titled The Underground Test, a 45 minute feature on the fortunes of the two couples seen building their own shelters in the parent programme.

World War 3

An absolutely huge fan of Threads, there's something incredibly macabre about the impact of nuclear war that fascinates myself and countless others. British television, too, has always held it up as a most peculiar subject of interest and exhibited real flair in conveying the minutiae of nuclear hell. Threads, of course, grabs all the plaudits due to it's intense bleakness and ability to numb the spirit whilst When the Wind Blows is a heartbreaking paean to British resolve.

In 1980, a Panorama special If the Bomb Drops gave an outline of how society would react and cope in the event of a nuclear explosion. It was very much an all encompassing look at such a scenario with experts and officials weighing in on the structure and framework in place to help rebuild the country. A Guide to Armageddon, however, concentrates all of its energies on the immediate explosion and its initial effects.

Foregoing any sense of Threads narrative or aforementioned Panorama interviews, A Guide to Armageddon guides the viewer through the horrors with an educational edge, but never descends into studious academia. Facts are laid out plainly with terrifying statistics and there's never any reference to complex mechanics such as the finer details of nuclear fission. However, far from being reductive, the programme is able to get its message across to everyone by the disturbing discourse on offer. And this message is bolstered by the wonderfully educated tones of Ludovic Kennedy who infuses the narration with real authority.

Although not as chilling as Threads brand of bleak horror, the analysis of a nuclear explosion's effect on human health is a real stomach turner. Makeup is used to transform actors into burns victims for whom the chance of skin grafts would be almost impossible in a world where hygiene would now be considered a legend of the past. Particularly ghoulish is the baring of bleeding gums brought on by radiation sickness which made me wince and squirm rather uncomfortably in my seat.

These after-effects of an explosion, though, all pale into insignificance when the focus shifts to the enormity of the actual explosion. The programme is very clever in detailing the effects at increasing distances from the blast site as it hammers home just how powerful a single explosion would be, with houses being completely levelled many, many miles from ground zero. And when you consider that an all out nuclear attack would involve multiple bombs at multiple sites, it's difficult to comprehend how 16 million Britons would be estimated to survive.

The visual representation of these effects is probably one area where A Guide to Armageddon suffers. The quality of special effects available in 1982 is unable to stretch further than models being blown up, flames being superimposed over images or film sped up to heighten the destructive speed of the intense heat.

However, some are effective; a particularly stomach churning sequence features a large slab of meat with it's fat melting off to allow tissues to be charred to a crisp to describe our feeble, natural protection. There's also a curious slowmo demonstration of the effects of flying glass on human skin, but with a pumpkin in place of human tissue and occasional camera cuts to elderly women and children for good measure.

Needless pumpkin cruelty aside, the message is clear: a nuclear attack would be devastating and would render any city involved as unrecognisable and almost certainly unsalvageable. A Guide to Armageddon remains an intriguing time capsule from an era where the threat of nuclear war felt more real than it ever could today. Let us just be grateful that the ramifications of nuclear war are enough to engender a nuclear deterrence amongst even the most foolish owners of such weapons.

Another month, another mountain of tapes for me to sift through with all the fervour of a gold prospector in the Old West. I'm never going to make my fortune with old cases full of magnetic tape, but there's always the chance I'll uncover an episode of Conjugal Rites or maybe even Standing Room Only if I'm really lucky. One thing that I can almost guarantee to uncover is turn of the century WWF, but this falls far, far outside of this blog's remit. Anyway, I received three loads of VHS tapes in April, totalling around 200 tapes.

It's a huge amount (plus I was still sorting through some of March's finds), but, as ever, I found myself banging my head against a brick wall of static and ghosting which rendered a few finds as unsalvageable. However, every now and then, I'd find a little nugget of forgotten joy or a nostalgic reminder of how the world was in the days of the British Empire (well, the late 1980s to early 90s) and here's some of the picks of what I found:

1. Russell Grant - BBC Wales - 1987

Now, this is the very definition of an oddity! It's a travel series helmed by Russell Grant and only ever aired as part of the BBC Wales lineup. I've searched the internet high and low for information on it, but found absolutely nothing regarding its existence. Curiously, a postcard features heavily in the opening titles and credits, so perhaps this was an early version of Russell Grant's Postcards which he filmed for Channel 5 in the late 1990s. After a quick chat with Russell Grant on Twitter, he revealed that he made three series for BBC Wales in the 1980s.

2. BBC News - Chelsea Headhunters Trial - 1987

The huge haul of tapes I picked up in March contained many, many 90s games featuring Chelsea, so it's safe to assume they were Chelsea fans (and Welsh judging by all the regional bits). However, there's also the possibility that they were football hooligans as they seemed rather interested in taping this news item about the Chelsea Headhunters trial. Thanks to the constant reappropriation of 1980s football hooliganism in contemporary culture, we're constantly reminded of this threat. However, it's all very repackaged and almost aspirational, but here we see it in its full horror. And there's also a nice mention for the long defunct Full Members Cup.

3. CITV In-vision Continuity - 1988

I'm always delighted to find a bit of children's TV footage (see later on) and when it's a bit of in-vision continuity it's particularly exciting. This small snippet precedes an episode of the 'new' series The Real Ghostbusters and features Debbie Shore wearing a jumper which truly sums up the 1980s.

4. 22/04/1991 BBC1 Lunchtime Junctions

This find starts off with the last few minutes of the One O'Clock News hosted by Philip Hayton and transmitted from a magnificently retro studio complete with red desk and red phone. There's a snippet of a feature on corruption in French football and then an item on the need for cycling helmets to become compulsory - a news story which I remember provoked much debate in the playground as to whether we would get arrested for riding sans helmet. Following this there's a look at the evening schedule and the opening minutes of quiz show Turnabout which I had completely forgotten about.

5. 19/10/1989 Children's BBC

Every now and then, I find a tape which contains pure gold and, housed on an SKC tape, I found almost an entire afternoon's Children's BBC programming. It was part of a collection I picked up locally and was the one tape that wasn't riddled with static and noise. In fact, so downtrodden by the dire quality of the tapes, I almost chucked this one out thinking it was pointless checking it. However, it appeared to pre-date all the other tapes by three years, so I suspect it wasn't recorded by Mr Static.

The case was marked up as containing a film, but following the end of this film the tape had continued to record until it was full up. Sadly, this meant 15 minutes of a Blue Peter episode were missed, but apart from this it was fully complete and included all the Broom Cupboard continuity. Most interesting was a drama called Bluebirds which featured a young Martine McCutcheon and Barbara Windsor, years before they were reunited on EastEnders. Also of note was an episode of quiz show Clockwise hosted by Charlotte Hindle.

6. 25/12/1991 Just What I Always Wanted!

Another oddity I uncovered was this 5 minute look at the joys of Christmas featuring the satirist John Wells. Again, there's absolutely no mention of this anywhere and it's not a surprise as it was tucked away very late on in the Christmas Day schedule when most people had dozed off in a turkey induced coma. Nonetheless, it's a nice artifact of the satirist's work and deserves a place online due to its scarcity in the nation's collective consciousness.

7. Colgate Tape

Finally, here's the oddest tape I've come across so far. It's a Colgate VHS tape, yes the toothpaste chaps. It also says JVC on it, so I suspect they made it and Colgate released it as part of some promotion. Judging by the contents - it contains Live Aid - the tape was manufactured in 1985 or maybe a little earlier. The picture quality is surprisingly high, so it's certainly suited to recording and not for unwinding the magnetic tape and flossing your teeth with - minty fresh it isn't.

And, as always, if you have old tapes from the 1980s - early 90s then I'd be interested in taking a look, so please get in touch!

It's been fairly quiet on the pages of Curious British Telly recently and that's because - as my Twitter followers will know - I've been sifting through mountains of old VHS tapes (a blog post will be coming on this soon). However, I've also been beavering away on my first print book - yep, one that you can hold in your hands and experience all the tactile sensations life has to offer.

As per the picture above (click on it for a bigger version), it's titled 'The Curiosities of British Children's TV' and is going to be a compilation of the first two e-books I wrote on children's TV. I didn't want to just bolt those two books together, though, so I've managed to secure new interviews, update the articles with more insights and, most importantly, include five extra shows to give you a little more value.

I'm currently on the final proofread, so hopefully it should be available in June...

This month proved to be a fantastic month for the archive tape digging activities of Curious British Telly. At the start of the month, I received an email from someone who had been enjoying the various features of the blog and just happened to have a collection of VHS tapes going back to the early 1980s. And would I be interested in them?

Suffice to say, I was soon on my way to Manchester to delve through this exceptionally kind donation of around two to three hundred tapes. Thankfully, I'm not starting to associate certain case designs with their year of manufacture (cool, I know) and this helped me speed through them fairly quickly and pick up some remarkably old tapes.

And, although many of the tapes contained endless episodes of Bilko and Laurel and Hardy films, there was also a whole treasure trove of material to sift through in terms of programmes, adverts, junctions and continuity - including some of the (probably never saved to the archives in the first place) in-vision continuity featuring regional announcers.

A selection of the most interesting ones can be found below, but I still haven't finished going through all of them yet and this will probably spill into next month's update too. And, yes, there's a lot of Sue Robbie in there.

1. 19/01/1987 Granada Reports - ITV

A little snippet ofparticularly distressing and violent lunchtime news from Granada Reports hosted by Charles Foster. Not only do we hear about a vicar getting stabbed in his own church, there's also news on a Liverpool man who's died after falling on his electric fire AND a quick report on Hurricane Higgins court case for assaulting a snooker official. Perhaps the only nice thing in this clip is that there are Granada slides for Rainbow and The Raggy Dolls.

2. 12/03/1983 Match Time ITV - Man Utd vs Everton

Seeing as these tapes came from Manchester, it's no surprise that there was some football action on there. And, thankfully, it featured the red side of Manchester in the form of "United" as the locals say in an FA Cup game against Everton.

In particular, it was an episode of Match Time which was an ITV show that used to feature highlights from games and all the latest news. Although this rather lengthy clip includes the opening titles and first few seconds of the match, the rest of the first half highlights are missing and action suddenly resumes with the second half highlights which are all present and correct.

And it's a highly interesting clip not just because United beat Everton on their way to lifting the FA Cup later in the season, but also because of the huge juxtaposition with modern football that it demonstrates.

Sure, huge sections of the crowd are standing and the rather ominous pens around the stands are unusual sights in 2017, but it's the post match coverage which is most striking. Ron Atkinson and Howard Kendall conduct a post match interview on the pitch and act like a pair of gentlemanly pals - imagine Mourinho and Wenger doing this today!

3. 1984 Sue Robbie Children's ITV Continuity

In the early days of Children's ITV, there wasn't a specific presenter in place as there would be in later years. Instead, guest presenters came in for month long stints to announce the afternoon's programmes. And here, from May 1984, are three brief sections of continuity from Granada presenter Sue Robbie at the helm.

4. 30/08/1985 Noel Edmonds' Golden Egg Awards - BBC1

A highly curious and unusual awards show, Noel Edmonds' Golden Egg Awards was a spinoff from a feature on The Late, Late Breakfast Show and is almost beyond description. However, if you can imagine, for a second, an awards show that rewards the stars of You've Been Framed and It'll Be Alright on the Night with golden eggs then you've cracked it. Despite this strange premise, it's oddly watchable and features appearances from the late Mike Smith and Murray Walker, so watching them is always a nice reminder of their talents.

5. 1983 - First Post (Clips) - Children's ITV

First Post was Children ITV's take on Points of View, but one which allowed children to voice their views - this episode focuses on Blockbusters and Give Us a Clue. It was hosted by Sue Robbie and this selection of clips come from a single episode from 1983. The clip was preceded by a Granada closedown featuring, yet again, Sue Robbie, so I decided to included this for good measure

6. 29/12/1985 Into 86 Trailer - BBC1

The promise of a New Year is always an exciting proposition and it's no different for the TV schedules. And this BBC preview of new drama shows is paticularly intriguing as it features a quick look at a new show called Lovejoy. Just imagine the wonder of watching this and thinking "You know what, I may well fall in love with this show...". In fact, maybe I did. I can't remember, though, as I was only three at the time.

7. Heads and Tails - BBC Two (Partial)

Unfortunately this isn't a full episode of the Derek Griffiths classic, but it's more than was previously available. And, yes, it's always great to hear Griffiths dusting down his vocal chords for some melodic goodness, but it's the See-Saw slide which precedes the show which is most amazing in my opinion. Not only does it kindly ask the viewer to wait for five minutes, but it's soundtracked by some remarkable BBC library music. For five minutes. FIVE!

8. 1982 TV Advert Breaks

Some of the oldest adverts I've found, I believe these are from 1982 due to the Tron trailer although someone contacted me on YouTube who thinks Tron came out in the UK in January 83. Either way they're pretty old and all filmed on fantastic 35mm film complete with grime and filth all over the film due to their over-usage.

So, perhaps the best month I've had so far in terms of digging up bits of British TV which haven't been seen in decades. Although this will probably be hard to top, I'm still on the lookout for VHS tapes from the 1980s, so get in touch if you've got any stacked up in cupboards collecting dust! And I'm also planning to get a Betamax player in the near future, so if you've got any Betamax tapes knocking about then please let me know!

Yes, at long last, my first print book 'The Curiosities of British Children's TV' is now available to buy over at Amazon! Essentially, it's a compilation of the first two e-books I wrote on the hidden gems and oddities of British children's TV, but with more insights and interviews. Oh, and just to add that extra bonus, there's five new articles on some shows which I think you're going to really love!

The full list of shows covered are:

1. Sebastian the Incredible Drawing dog
2. Jackson Pace: The Great Years
3. Chips' Comic
4. Earthfasts
5. Clapperboard
6. Break in the Sun
7. Hokey Cokey
8. Tales from Fat Tulip's Garden
9. Chock-a-Block
10. The Pig Attraction
11. Teddy Edward
12. Mop and Smiff
13. Running Scared
14. Let's Pretend
15. Alfonso Bonzo
16. Bric-a-Brac
17. Round the Bend
18. Orm and Cheep
19. Codename Icarus
20. Heggerty Haggerty
21. Behind the Bike Sheds
22. Over the Moon
23. Ragdolly Anna
24. Zokko!
25. Get Up and Go! / Mooncat & Co

It's all self-published through the CreateSpace platform and it was a wildly different process to publishing an e-book. However, it wasn't too painful - although there were moments of real stress, almost ALL related to formatting issues - but, in the end, I got there with my sanity intact. Anyway, I don't want to waffle on too much, so I hope you enjoy it. And if you do enjoy it, let me know!

Back in March, I picked up a load of old VHS tapes which managed to yield a whole host of archive gems. However, in amongst the curios there was a lot of less interesting material - namely films. Whilst, yes, there were some fine films in there (a lot of Bond), they're all readily available in the modern age, so don't really fall under my remit of forgotten or rarely seen TV.

However, the thought of simply skipping tapes which went way back to 1983 seemed a bit of a shame. Whilst I had no use for them, surely someone else would, right? And, thankfully, yes, there's a wonderful man known only by his full name of Jason Robertson who is one of the authorities on retrieving teletext from old VHS and Betamax tapes.

I duly packaged up a number of tapes and sent them to Jason where they proudly took their place in his mammoth queue (he's currently swamped with tapes that they tower about 6ft tall) and, finally, the first fruits of my tapes have begun to surface. A selection of what Jason's harvested from Ceefax on 23/06/1983 - yep, 34 years and a day ago - can be seen below, but the full Ceefax service for the day can be accessed at:

Desktop: http://www.uniquecodeanddata.co.uk/teletext76/bbc1_1983-06-23/
Mobile: http://archive.teletextart.co.uk/bbc1_1983-06-23/

News (click the pictures for bigger versions)

Wimbledon and Sport

Weather

Top 40 Music Chart

Telesoftware

More of Jason's results from digging deep into the signals of dusty old tapes can be found over at: uniquecodeanddata.co.uk/teletext76

A defining figure of British TV in the 1980s, Roland Rat first appeared on TV-am in April 1983 and soon become a phenomenal success taking in several TV series, records and more merchandise than Errol the Hamster could shake a leek at. Naturally, being a puppet, Roland was an inanimate object brought to life by a human and, in this instance, it was David Claridge.

But who is he? Well, uh, it's a difficult to say, but he's certainly enigmatic...

You see, despite being behind such a massive cultural event, Claridge managed to keep well and truly beneath the radar. Claridge, of course, isn't completely immune from Google and there are certainly a few whispers and titbits about him floating around online. Sure, there's a brief CV of his achievements to be found over here, but it misses many interesting facts and trivia about this intriguing man and his achievements.

Therefore, I decided it was time that I collated together everything I could find in order to give the world a better understanding of the life and times of such an intriguing individual.

The Early Years and Life as a Blitz Kid

Determined to become a puppeteer from an early age, Claridge began taking this art form seriously at the age of 12 when he began attending lessons at the Midlands Art Centre, Birmingham to learn about acting, mime and puppetry. Within a few years, Claridge had made significant process and, it's fair to say, found his groove as not just a puppeteer, but also a designer and actor. All of this progress had been made under the watchful eye of John M Blundall and his Cannon Hill Theatre company.

At some point during the late 1970s, Claridge moved to London and immersed himself into the club scene and was soon a regular at The Blitz club - the undeniable breeding ground of the New Romantic movement - which was located in Covent Garden.


Blitz Kid Kim Bowen with David Claridge (mostly obscured by his ruff) © by Ted Polhemus

Following the demise of The Blitz, Claridge sought to keep its creative spirit alive, but push on in new directions. An early enterprise was The Ancients, a club night held at the Hell club at 30 Henrietta Street, Soho in 1980. An unusual club night in the extreme, The Ancients looked to mix classical composers Bach and Vivaldi with contemporary bands Magazine and Bauhaus. It also gave Claridge an excuse to dig out his ruff again as he told Over 21 Magazine:

"It´s going to be slides and film and smoke guns and candles and ochre lighting. Hopefully people will come along dressed in the appropriate clothes and we´ll include them in it, projecting them on the walls or in the film we´re making"

Claridge's burgeoning love of the Far East later manifestated itself in the form of The Great Wall club which he hoped would provide something in sharp opposition to the New Romantic and Glam scenes that had become, he felt, the one thing they once vehemently rebelled against: ordinary. Talking at the time, Claridge explained:

"Tired of popular music by bands by such as Visage, I fell in love with new music from the East that's exciting and fresh - not discovered and swiftly destroyed. Bands to include: Do, Mastoshi and Sandii. I´ve coupled that music with Oriental imagery ranging from China's Cultural Revolutionary Period to Japanese Kabuki, Bunraku even Thai fisherman's wear and Cantonese Opera"

Decorated with Chinese symbols and portraits of Chairman Mao, The Great Wall was an arresting spectacle and provided a fascinating foothold into an unexplored subculture. Naturally, it attracted prime faces of the London club scene and helped to further cement Claridge's reputation for having a unique and creative vision swilling about in his brainbox.

Some movers and shakers at The Great Wall

Claridge's interest in music from Japan soon morphed from a club night into a fully fledged mobile entertainment experience in the form of The Mobile Suit. Featuring New Wave from almost every corner of the Far East (and, as a curveball, Poland), The Mobile Suit would travel around the country putting on club nights to spread the word about these curious new sounds.

David Claridge IS The Mobile Suit!

Ultimately, Claridge's aim was to start releasing this music onto vinyl and this eventually surfaced in the form of Tokyo Mobile Music 1, a compilation put together by The Mobile Suit Corporation and featuring artists such as Akiko Yano, Salon Music and Lizard. The record also featured ambient sounds served up by the auditory delights on offer from the streets of Tokyo that Claridge recorded in June 1981.

Barking mad and highly experimental, the tracks are exciting slices of avant-garde melodic strangeness and provide a welcome palate cleanser for your ears (do ears have palates?) when sampled alongside the slabs of vinyl which were making up the UK Top 40 at the time.

Claridge, however, didn't want to restrict himself simply to the world of clubs and music. He was, after all, a masterful puppeteer.

Mooncat and Roland Rat

The television writer Rick Vanesand producer Lesley Joseph were planning a new children's TV series Get Up and Go! which would feature Mooncat, a cat from the moon (literal, but simple, like all the best children's TV) but they needed a puppeteer to bring Mooncat to life. In London to audition puppeteers, the pair had struggled to find anyone with the necessary skills for the job.

Last on their list was David Claridge who was, at the time, appearing on stage in a Micky Dolenz production operating a dog puppet through the black light theatre technique. Convening in Claridge's flat, Vanes and Rogers were highly impressed with Claridge, particularly his ability to chat to them and operate his dog puppet at the same time. The puppet eventually started humping Vanes leg and this pretty much sealed the deal.

Claridge worked on 56 episodes of Get Up and Go! between 1981 and 1983 as he starred as Mooncat alongside Beryl Reid and Stephen Boxer. Vanes remembers Claridge as being a huge talent who was keen to push the boundaries of puppeteering in order to incorporate Mooncat into the action. Stephen Boxer shared a house with Claridge in Leeds and remembers Claridge being an obsessive collector of Japanese robots and Transformer toys. And Boxer also remembers Claridge running the idea past him of a Rat that lived in the sewers beneath Kings Cross...

This rat, as you well know, was Roland Rat. Children's editor for TV-am Anne Wood wanted something to entertain children during the Easter holidays, so The Shedvision Show was born and found Roland living in a shed on top of the TV-am studios. It was a highly successful introduction for Roland Rat and he was soon a TV-am regular introducing cartoons whilst demonstrating his quick wit and self assured attitude.

We all know how Roland Rat single handedly 'saved' TV-am - viewing figures rocketed up from 100k to 1.8 million during his time on the show - but despite this tremendous impact, it was around this time that David Claridge began to retreat from the public eye. In fact, all I could find from these early days of Roland Rat was an interview in the TV Times which revealed very little.

Just as Roland Rat was beginning to reach stratospheric levels of fame and popularity, though, The Sun and The Daily star published stories which revealed a little known association from Claridge's recent past. The tabloids had discovered that Claridge had established a rubber/latex fetish night called Skin Two at gay club Stallions in Falconberg Court, Soho.

Despite Claridge having handed the club over to Leslie Herbert at this point, the papers had a field day digging up earlier quotes from Claridge - when hosting the club - such as:

"I would like people to accept rubber clothing more. I’d like to see it on the High Street. Some dress up in appreciation of the fabric. Some like bondage and whipping. A lot of whipping goes on"

Given the era and the typical scaremongering of the tabloids, it was the last thing that Claridge and TV-am needed. Claridge was quoted as simply saying "It's all very embarrassing" and a TV-am spokesman, upon hearing the news, reportedly said "I am slowly sliding off my chair under my desk…". Thankfully, TV-am stood by Claridge and this support saw him produce endless more hours and even rap records whilst with ITV.

In 1985, Roland Rat jumped ship to the BBC where his success continued through several more series with his final appearance coming in Tales of the Rodent Sherlock Holmes in 1990.

Post Roland Rat Career

The later years of Claridge's career are even murkier in terms of details, but it appears that, at some point, he married as a Leslie Claridge is listed as a previous director at Roland Rat Enterprises Television Productions Limited. Now, what's intriguing is that Leslie Herbert (who took over Skin Two) later worked on Roland Rat: The Series and, I'm told by Laurence Harvey (a co-star with Claridge on Parallel 9) that Claridge's wife was also a puppeteer. But, who knows, maybe there were two puppeteers out there called Leslie, so this is purely speculation.

Talking of Parallel 9, this provided children's TV with another dose of Claridge magic as he operated Brian the Dinosaur - all pink and clad in a leather jacket - who, curiously, sounded much like a Northern Roland Rat. Laurence Harvey recalls that Claridge was a likeable fellow if a little grumpy and cantankerous, but what genius isn't? Harvey also remembers Claridge as being very protective of the art of puppetry and wanting his creations to be seen as more than mere, inanimate puppets which relied on an operator.

Parallel 9 ran for a few series between 1992 - 94 before coming to an end. Following this, Claridge later operated puppets on Channel 5's Happy Monsters (which also reunited him with Rick Vanes) and also produced Paramount Comedy's CGI series Mozart's Dog.

Roland Rat has continued to keep Claridge busy and, since his final BBC series, he has helmed a Channel 5 series L.A. Rat and many numerous cameos in shows including Ashes to Ashes, Big Brother and, my personal favourite, on The One Show where he took Adrian Chiles down in hilarious fashion and reminded the country of the magic that Roland could effortlessly pluck from his back pocket.

Who is David Claridge?

You know, I still don't really know who David Claridge is. Sure, he's a true visionary and incredibly talented, but he's managed to keep his puppet creations at the forefront of people's attention rather than shine the light on himself. Perhaps he feels that revealing too much of the magic behind them somehow confirms the fact that they're not fully conscious beings. This hints at a true dedication to his art and can only be applauded for the lengths he has gone to achieve this, although, I suspect this is as simple as not granting interviews.

Nonetheless, if he ever decides to release an autobiography I will be first in the queue to buy it.

It's always tempting to revisit past romantic relationships as the potential thrills are already established in our minds. We know exactly what we're going to get, what's going to get nibbled and the best excuse for getting the hell out of there at 3am in the morning. However, our fiery lust is usually extinguished long before we reach the, as I like to call it, trouser slipping off stage.

And the reason for this is that we know EXACTLY what we're going to get: all the arguments, all the emotional heartbreak and all the threats of legal action over who gets to keep the Annie Hall DVD.

That's why, when you bump into an old flame, there's that little voice at the back of your brain which keeps repeating "Never go back! Never go back!" and, as it echoes around your skull, you decide that, yeah, probably best to invest your romantic riches in a commodity which isn't going to crash and burn yet again.

Not everyone adheres to this sound logic, though, as humans are a foolhardy bunch - just look at the continued existence of Ant and Dec on our screens - and this why we're occasionally prone to throwing caution to the wind. It's these flaws, coupled with the potential for conflict as two lovers reconvene, that sounds like the perfect scenario for a good old situation comedy.

And, as luck would have it, there's one in the form of Third Time Lucky.

Genre: Comedy
Channel: ITV (Yorkshire)
Transmission: 06/08/1982 - 17/09/1982

George (Derek Nimmo) and Beth (Nerys Hughes) were married for several years and, as happens during wedlock, this marriage was consummated and bedroom activities recommenced at least once more as they had two children in the form of Clare (Deborah Farrington) and Jenny (Lorraine Brunning).

After seven years of marriage, George and Beth parted ways and both remarried: George to Millie (Angela Douglas) and Beth to Bruce (Clifford Earl). However, both of these second marriages also ended in divorce, so it's fair to say that George and Beth aren't having much luck when it comes to domestic bliss. And you'd be forgiven if they gave up on the whole marriage lark.

But they're gluttons for punishment and they're going for third time lucky. And this time George and Beth are revisiting their first marriage and getting remarried.

Naturally, this is a fairly awkward proposition, not just in advising the whole world that they're embarking on this huge commitment once more, but also in ensuring that past tensions don't come bubbling to the surface and send this latest punt at happiness off the rails. It's a tough ask due to the myriad factors working against them, so will they make it?

Production Notes

Seven episodes of Third Time Lucky were written by Jan Butlin (Life Begins at Forty, Hell's Bells, No Strings) and was produced by Yorkshire Television. The series was directed by Graham Muir who brought a huge amount of experience to the table having worked on countless TV shows as a producer since the 1950s.

Episodes went out at 8.30pm on Friday evenings, but the series was never repeated on terrestrial television. The series was later repeated on cable channel Carlton Select, but hasn't been since and is currently only floating around as bootleg DVDs or online torrents.

Trying My Luck

I was only actually present on planet Earth for the very last episode of Third Time Lucky and I can't remember watching it - this is either down to that pesky infantile amnesia or, more likely, I was probably crying for milk and testing the boundaries of my parents' patience. Nonetheless, I'm constantly sniffing around - like a pig for truffles - for old British sitcoms, so I was intrigued when Third Time Lucky ended up in my lap.

The epitome of a plummy voiced twit, Derek Nimmo injects George with the requisite level of self-belief to place his berkish personality up on a wobbly pedestal. It's a fantastic performance and one which owes much to his vast experience in the world of comedy. Teasing out all the ticking idiosyncrasies of George, Nimmo manages to display all the necessary confidence and moral superiority to set himself up for tumble after tumble.

Looking as beautiful and gorgeous as she ever has, Nerys Hughes is another stalwart of British comedy and she plays her alternating roles as matriarchal figure and lover with ease. At times, she's somewhat sidelined as the focus tends to be on George, but she's been granted a strong personality and makes a fine opposition for George. Ultimately, she wants happiness in marriage and this desire manifests itself in the utter frustration at George's twittishness.

The Hutchenson daughters also provide a pleasingly lively set of performances and deserve special mention. Clare's desire for independence and the chance to charge headlong into the adult world causes plenty of angst for George, mostly her determination to start having sex with her boyfriend. It's a decent performance by Deborah Harrington as Clare and she plays it with all the misguided confidence of the very best teenagers. Jenny has less impactful plot strands, but Lorraine Brunning brings a real level of pluck and intellect to the role; she keeps George on his toes and confounds him at almost every turn, so it's a shame she never became a leading woman as she's got a natural talent for comedy.

Perhaps the two characters who seem a little bit crowbarred in are Millie and Bruce, the respective partners from George and Beth's second marriages. Whilst the performances from Angela Douglas and Bruce Jenkins both owe much to their incredible CVs (particularly that of Douglas), it feels as though they're only ever drafted in to rib and tease George. Ex-lovers can be difficult, dramatic beasts, so it feels like a missed opportunity to bring an intriguing and very serious level of conflict into the comedy. As it is, they pop up, crack some jokes and then disappear with a cheery spring in their step.

In fact, Third Time Lucky is a very cheery sitcom. There's little room for any gloom and instead we're treated to the chortlesome exploits of George as he stumbles through plots which are clearly indebted to 1970s farce. All the usual suspects are there: George is horrified by Clare's relationship with her boyfriend, he struggles to get to grips with new workplace concepts introduced by the firm's Japanese owners and, of course, he has to combat all the well established tensions with Beth to make sure they tie the knot again.

And it's this pursuit of making it "third time lucky" which brings a pleasing level of sweetness to the series. Everyone pursues happiness and we all make terrible decisions which we believe will achieve this, but Beth and George genuinely seem as though they should be together and this is thanks, mostly, due to the chemistry they pair conjure up on screen. They're a delightfully lower middle class family and, whilst their conflicts may seem a little middling, there's a simplicity to them and there's never any real nastiness on display - perhaps it's not a realistic depiction of strained relationships, but when has TV ever bowed down to the restrictions of reality?

Slight spoiler here, but Beth and George don't quite manage to make their third marriage (due to issues beyond their control), so I suppose there was room for a second series. However, it would have been treading the same old ground as Third Time Lucky is a sitcom very much indebted to its situation rather than the characters. George is certainly a fine creation, but there's not really anything about him that stands out aside from ticking the usual boxes for a leading comedy man - he's no Victor Meldrew, David Brent or Father Ted Crilly, all characters who demanded further explorations and became part of the nation's consciousness. And that's why one series was the perfect length for the Hutchenson family.

Lucky Find?

Third Time Lucky is far from perfect and certainly wouldn't come in my top 10 or 20 (or probably 30) British sitcoms, but there's absolutely nothing offensive about it. It's a family friendly sitcom and whilst this sub-genre of sitcom can be an infuriating entity (see Big Top, actually, thinking about it, don't bother) Third Time Lucky is an agreeable affair. There's nothing revolutionary swilling about in its seven episodes, but the fizzing performances and gentle plots make it a perfect sitcom to drink tea to (there's a whole new sub-genre in itself: tea drinking sitcoms) and chuckle along heartily to.

Back in the late 1960s, the mere concept of an electronic comic was laughable. In the 21st century, of course, we’re blessed with tablets which can quite easily hold an e-comic. In those swinging sixties, however, I guess the best you could hope for would be a piece of thick plastic with line drawings on and illuminated by a smattering of red LEDs.

Actually, that sounds like a magnificently retro helping of comicabilia and something that I would snap up at auction in a heartbeat. Unfortunately, with just one page, it’s not a comic. And it never existed…

That there television, though, it’s electronic, right? In amongst all the telly waves and cathode rays there’s definitely an electrical source as I’ve seen the plug. This certainly opens up the possibility of somehow getting a comic on TV and satisfying not only the criteria of being a comic, but also shifting from one section to another without endless stacks of unwieldy plastic and the emotionless red glow of an LED. And a TV version is exactly what you’ll find in Zokko!

Genre: Children's
Channel: BBC1
Transmission: 1968 - 70

The first incarnation of Zokko! features a talking pinball machine which serves as the presenter and helps to link the various features together. With the pinball launched, it soon strikes a hit and the corresponding score indicates a particular feature by announcing, for example, “Zokko! Six!” before launching animated sci-fi serial Skayn.

The first series is much more than just a helping of sci-fi as the myriad features include clips from Disney cartoons, endless children’s gags, guest performers such as Davies and Gray with their comedy dance routine and also a “thrill spot” which takes viewers on hair raising adventures via rides on the wall of death and water-skiing.

By the second series, the talking pinball machine has gone and the main links are provided from a studio featuring a collection of test tubes filled up with bubbling liquid. Although the pinball machine has departed, its electronic voice remains and presents similar features to the first series.

This time round the fun includes another helping of serial Skayn and, once this has finished, new serial Susan Starr of the Circus, more Disney clips, specially produced music videos for contemporary songs such as Finchley Central by The New Vaudeville Band, groan inducing gags told over animations and performers appearing include Ali Bongo as the Sheik of Araby and The Tumblairs on their trusted trampoline.

Charging Zokko!

Zokko! was devised and produced by Molly Cox and Paul Ciani with 26 episodes making up the two series between 1968 – 70. Episodes lasted 20 minutes each and both series aired in the Saturday 12.25pm slot on BBC1. Speaking to the Daily Mirror in 1968, then BBC1 controller Paul Fox explained – with a side slice of contemporary sexism – that the show’s timeslot was the perfect way to keep the children busy whilst Mum prepared lunch.

Although the first series of Zokko! was repeated in a Wednesday afternoon slot shortly afterwards, the second series was not afforded this luxury and has not been seen publically since its initial airing. Perhaps the most eye catching aspect of Zokko! was the talking pinball table which was designed by Mike Ellis – one of the parents of British entertainment being the father of Blue Peter presenter Janet Ellis and grandfather of pop star Sophie Ellis-Bextor.

The voice of Ellis’ construction was provided by another linchpin of British culture in the form of Radiophonic Workshop’s Brian Hodgson who also engineered the distinctive TARDIS sound in Doctor Who and the Daleks’ modulated voices. Remaining in the audio world for a moment longer, Brian Fahey composed the brass heavy theme tune for Zokko! and this was later released as a single by Columbia Records.

Unfortunately, as with so many TV shows of the era, Zokko! was almost, but not completely, wiped out of existence from the BBC archives. Although not quite having the gravitas of a Stalinist purge, it had a devastating effect on the long term legacy of Zokko! as only two episodes of the final series remain in the archives and, for now, the only reminder of the pinball machine is a solitary image which surfaced many years ago.

Flicking Through the Pages

By the time I had emerged from the womb, blinking in the harsh light of a world with only three TV channels, Zokko! had long since finished and it’s dire archival status meant I certainly wouldn’t be catching it anytime soon.

It was regularly cited to me, though, as a show which deserved my attention. And it’s not hard to see why as, despite it having been barely written about, let alone viewed since 1970, the people who originally watched it still have such fond memories about the show. Many of these memories are a little dusty, so I decided it would be a good idea to grab a duster and polish these up, by which I mean: go to the BFI Archive.

Naturally, with series one being completely lost to the ravages of BBC policies, I was unable to get a taste or flavour of this incarnation of the show aside from the aforementioned still of the pinball machine. Luckily, I gained access to the remaining footage of Zokko! and this provided me with the chance to view one of the real oddities of British children’s TV.

Many people regard Zokko! as the inaugural entry in the vast lineage of Saturday morning children’s television. However, a few months before Zokko! aired, the same time slot had been home to Whoosh! starring Rick Jones, Dawn McDonald and Jonathan Collins; far from sharing the same genome as Saturday morning children’s TV, though, Whoosh! was a very different proposition. Rick Jones informs me that it was based in an imaginary central headquarters with pneumatic message delivery tubes everywhere. The series had a strong emphasis on comedy and the Radio Times listed Whoosh! as a place where anything can happen.

Zokko! also appears to be a place where anything can happen, but it’s much more in touch with those later Saturday morning shows than Whoosh! And, despite the fact that Zokko! never aired on a Saturday morning (only early Saturday afternoons), I’m willing to overlook this as it’s a distillation of mostly everything which followed in its wake. Sure, it’s missing pop star phone-ins, competitions and puppet sidekicks, but it also contains DNA which is so readily associated with its kin: animations, music videos, guest performers and all linked together from the comfort of a central set.

And the content which constitutes this now recognisable setup is an intriguing collection of short bursts of creativity and excitement. Short is easily the best word to describe the features contained within Zokko! as they fly by at such high speed it’s as if The Fast Show have commandeered Live and Kicking for a morning. Perhaps the world wasn’t ready for a three hour Saturday morning bonanza in the late 1960s, but it’s hardly a great loss as the relatively brief running time for features (they’re lucky if they stretch over a minute) allows Zokko! to have a zippy freshness not usually associated with children’s television from the same era.

With the sedateness of its contemporary rivals challenged, is Zokko! just a hyperactive collection of visuals or is there some genuine worth in there? Well, after viewing the scant remnants of the show’s back catalogue, I can confirm that, yes, it’s an exhilarating ride overflowing with curious features. Naturally, I can’t comment on the first series, but I will say that the abstract skull which features on the pinball table is a chilling concoction and, coupled with that electronic droning voice, would make a fine Doctor Who villain, albeit one which was even less agile than those pepperpot Daleks.

Moving onto the second series, the set is a good starting point to begin examining the essence of Zokko! as its bubbling, oversized test tubes and bright, wildly flashing lights are very much a visual representation of the series’ direction. It’s an outlook which is highly indebted to the experimental pop culture that it was born into and acts as an arresting spectacle that captures the attention.
The content that follows, not surprisingly, isn’t the televisual equivalent of Tomorrow Never Knows and is, in fact, fairly traditional children’s entertainment, but it’s shot through with a comic flair and a unique packaging to differentiate it from any of its peers.

Sure, the aerial acrobatics of The Sisters Inaros may feel a little bit too light entertainment, but this is counterbalanced by the superb silliness of The Hanco Bros who are a slapstick infused circus duo keen on tumbling toupees and cream pies. Likewise, the space politics of Skayn and big top crimes of Susan Starr (the longest sections at around two minutes) are much more mature than sketches such as the Indian snake charmer who struggles to charm his snake out of the basket without his turban or robe flying skywards. This combination of normality and absurdity could easily become bewildering, but here it plays out seamlessly and displays a fine understanding of the edit suite.

The Disney clips feel like filler material, but you have to remember that this is an era when children’s films weren’t played out endlessly and would have offered a brief snippet of Hollywood which was usually the preserve of Saturday morning cinema. Much more homegrown, of course, are the animated gags that feature as brief interstitials. At first I felt that these were God awful groaners, but then it’s revealed that around 4,000 jokes had been sent in by children for the second series, so it’s difficult to be too harsh on the beloved playground jokes of schoolchildren. This joke, however, had me rolling my eyes at its lack of comedic sense or point:

Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Jack!
Jack who?
Jackanory!

The gags may be corny, but they’re married to quirky animations featuring kipper tie and flare wearing chaps (with barnets last seen on Rodney Bewes circa 1974) who lark around opening doors to reveal knock knock jokes, twizzling their moustaches or even just clambering all over the exclamation mark from the Zokko! logo. They’re brief, dispensable sections, but fit in with the fast paced ethos of the series and the animations are so indicative of the era that you can almost smell the Brut dabbed on to the animator’s neck. And the strongest clue to the show’s age comes in the music videos.

These are no ordinary music videos, though, as they’re specially shot films for pop songs of the day. Georgie Fame’s infectious toe-tapper Get Away, for example, translates into a fairly literal video where a couple of hip, swinging kids jump in a convertible and escape the city folk for a day. And The New Vaudeville Band’s chirpy Finchley Central – awash with copious brass and whistling – again goes for the literal by filming a video in amongst the goings on at a London Underground station. They’re simple affairs, but much more imaginative than just pointing a camera at a miming, disinterested band and sum up exactly why Zokko! is such a unique show.

Page Turner?

Given the rich history of Saturday morning children’s TV which followed its wake, Zokko! deserves to be recognised as a landmark piece of British television for sowing the seeds which would germinate into such a long lasting legacy.

Paul Ciani revisited the Zokko! format later in 1970 with Ed Stewart starring in Ed and Zed! on Saturday afternoons, but it would take a few years of tinkering until Tiswas and Swap Shop perfected the formula. Zokko! remains an exciting starting point and, like all the best stars of the 1960s, refused to rest on its laurels and, instead, pushed the genre forwards with its brave new vision.

***This article is an excerpt from my book The Curiosities of British Children's TV which is now available on Amazon

Political uncertainty, the threat of terrorism and gloomy economic prospects aren't exactly making Britain a very fun place to live in 2017; it's at times like this that I find myself getting all nostalgic for simpler times when it seemed like all I had to worry about was what was going to be on TV that week.

And, in particular, I really miss the TV presenters from way back in the day. With their cheery smiles, regional accents and retrospectively hideous suits/blouses, you were guaranteed a regular dose of security and comfort every time you turned the TV on.

Whilst reminiscing about this bygone era, I suddenly had a brainwave. Why not use these delightful TV presenters of yesteryear to bring a bit more charm and security to these trepidatious times we live in. And that's why I brightened up the modern world with retro TV presenters.

Andy Craig

I quite often have to stop off in this squalid and depressing toilet at a petrol station on my commute home from work and it's fair to say this toilet has seen better days. However, with ex-Central presenter Andy Craig now positioned at the perfect height to chat to as you go about your business, it's been given a whole new lease of life.

Elton Welsby

This steel monstrosity of a lift reminded me very much of Theresa May in its stark coldness and it was most certainly the last place I would want to get trapped. People do, though, get stuck in lifts and I'm told it's a real exercise in anxiety and panic. Therefore, I employed the services of ex-Granada presenter Elton Welsby to bring a reassuring smile with a perfectly measured dose of warmth to make this lift the type of place you'd like to spend all night.

Sandy Barton

The discarded can of Tyskie down by this abandoned bit of land at the docks highlights the realities of Britain's drinking problems. I'm all for drink, but I believe that it should be used to celebrate rather than numb the reality that another series of Love Island has started. And that's why I decided to leave a picture of ex-Central reporter Sandy Barton as a reminder of the good things in life for the poor soul who flung their Tyskie up here in an existential rage.

Mike Debens

Loneliness is a huge problem in modern Britain and this is a problem that I thought ex-Television South presenter Mike Debens could help solve. Finding the loneliest looking bench in my local park, I attached a photo of Mike Debens to it in order to give lonely souls someone to sit next to and have a little chat with.

Michele Newman

The housing crisis is another issue that blights Britain in 2017, so it's particularly galling to see such huge swathes of unused land just fenced off and left to cultivate weeds and high grass. Perhaps the developers aren't entirely aware of just how amazing the impact of a community can be. Therefore, I thought I'd kickstart the regeneration project needed at this desolate expanse of land by giving it an instant facelift with ex-Top Gear and Central News presenter Michele Newman.

Bill Hanrahan

I spotted another patch of wasteland that was becoming little more than a dumping ground when it could be doing so much more for society, so it was time for me to intervene. This particular piece of desolate land is housed next to several housing estates, but has lain empty for several years now. The owners aren't exactly helping to sell it, so I gave it the greatest promotional boost possible by installing the beaming smile of ex-Central and BBC presenter Bill Hanrahan to greet visitors.

Sam Mason

The filthy, stained floor, the stark piping and discarded pack of cheapcigarettes that decorated the corner of this already grim car park were enough to demoralise even the most hardy of souls. And, after a hard afternoon's shopping, did the general public deserve to be faced with this as they returned to their cars with heaving bags of overpriced food? No, they needed a little bit of glamour and a reminder that life was, indeed beautiful, so I brought in ex-HTV presenter Sam Mason to this end.

Zygon

Okay, Zygons aren't exactly TV presenters, but they do present a threat on television (much like a party political broadcast by the Conservatives) so I'm going to include them here. Now, back in the good old days, tea manufacturers were keen to provide a little bonus in their boxes of tea in the form of trading cards.

It always made opening up a box of tea an exciting event as you never knew what would be waiting for you. However, it's a practice which has virtually disappeared. I wanted to remind the world of these simple, but fantastic delights, so I reunited a 1970s Typhoo trading card of a Zygon with a 2017 box of Typhoo in a supermarket.

And then I ran away.

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